Everyone’s Favorite Star Wars Character Is … Pole!
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …
The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of a former STAR WARS HOTEL GUEST.
Indeed, the most compelling piece of Star Wars content in ages comes from legendary YouTuber Jenny Nicholson — of “Quest for the Man-Sized Spider” and “Trapped In A Island with Josh Hutcherson” — documenting her experience aboard the Halcyon, the in-universe name for Walt Disney World’s defunct immersive Star Wars hotel experience, the Galactic Starcruiser, in a four-hour video “The Spectacular Failure of the Star Wars Hotel.”
To refresh your Earth-dweller memories: In 2022, Disney launched Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, a 100-room hotel unlike anything Disney, or any other company, had ever attempted. The Starcruiser offered two-night stays in a spacecraft-themed environment where guests could interact with walk-around characters, participate in activities like light-saber training, and experience a plot line involving Rey, Kylo Ren, and a Yoda hologram. In theory. In reality, the rooms were tiny and windowless, there was no pool, the plot required guests to pluck away at a glitchy app, and the whole experience cost around $6,000 for two people (the rooms could technically fit more, but based on video footage … barely). After investing millions of dollars into the project, the economics of keeping this space cruise afloat at that price tag did not pan out, and the hotel closed in under two years.
Divided into 20 chapters, the video has over 4.2 million views at the time of writing, which is magnitudes more people than ever got to or will ever get to see the doomed attraction for themselves. Nicholson is a funny, captivating, well-informed narrator, the perfect eyes through which to view the experience. She went in an optimist and left utterly defeated, and watching that journey unfold is worth the runtime. Nicholson goes in-depth on all of the ship’s new lore and original Star Wars characters, but there is one character who truly stands out, proud and tall: the pole!
The pole is a brand-new Star Wars villain who thwarted Nicholson repeatedly on the Halcyon. The pole is a big, fat supporting beam who lives in the spaceship’s dining room, blocking the sight lines of whichever guests were seated at the table behind it. You see, one of the main pieces of entertainment on the Starcruiser was a dinner show that happened on one of the two nights, starring the Twi’lek pop star Gaya and her sidekick, Ouannii, who together perform such songs as “Rockstar Queen” and “Stargate Swing.” Again, this is $6,000. So it’s unfortunate at best and defrauding at worst that some guests’ assigned seats had zero view of the show. Like, zero. In the video, we see Nicholson and her sister lean this way and that trying to get a glimpse past the pole, but no dice. A pole show is all they got, and not even the stripper kind.
Pole is a brilliant character because they illustrate so many larger themes and messages at the core of Nicholson’s Halcyon story, like the gulf between the extreme-luxury pricing and less-than-luxury experience that some guests were dealt. Or the oversights in the design and execution of the Starcruiser; in a room built from scratch, rather than retrofitted to fit the show like some other Disneyland and Disney World attractions, why would some seats be entirely blocked off? Nicholson notes that she’s not even sure it’s a load-bearing pole rather than merely aesthetic.
It’s one of many small annoyances throughout the video, but the pole stuck with me, and clearly, it resonated with others. On May 22, a former Starcruiser cast member published an essay for Screenrant defending the experience against its haters. Although it never mentions Nicholson by name, it’s clear that this piece is a response to her video, though all of the arguments in favor of the Starcruiser sound like the corporate talking points addressed and critiqued at length in Nicholson’s video. This post got absolutely ratio’d on Twitter by a user who posted pole.
probably a good article, but I’m finding it a bit hard to read pic.twitter.com/UlUOMjhQER
— real Bob Wiley (@emgeejay) May 23, 2024
So, Disney, if you salvage anything from the dearly departed Galactic Starcruiser, let it be the pole. Give the pole a role on one of your approximately 500 Disney+ streaming Star Wars series. Better yet, give the pole their own spin-off — Young Pole: A Star Wars Story — in which they travel the galaxy, trying to ruin the lives of Starcruiser main characters Gaya and Ouannii. At least sell collectible pole pins at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. Nicholson’s video is one of the most viral Star Wars moments to happen since we first laid eyes on Baby Yoda. The people want pole.
Maybe Jenny Nicholson's starcruiser visit was so bad bc she didn't realize she'd actually been placed on the Pole storyline pic.twitter.com/cdq9LD6wBI
— Frootoon || Storyboard Artist (@Frootoon) May 22, 2024
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