RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Recap: Woof, Woof

Ruh-roh, Raggy! I’m getting a little repidatious rabout this season! Ruff, ruff!

Episode three is Snatch Game of Love, and let me tell you: That went exactly as expected. The queens who you expect to do well are pretty good and the ones you expect to do poorly end up flopping. But the real issue is that, either way, they don’t seem to care that much.

That’s the worry about a season like this. It’s never really fun to watch a bad Snatch Game, but I was struck watching this episode at how much more tolerable a bad Snatch is when there is fear behind the eyes. Jaida Essence Hall remains a singular sensation at bombing — her terrible, incredible Prince is iconic — but most of these girls don’t have anywhere near Jaida’s level of charisma. Instead, with no eliminations, the queens who do poorly just kinda shrug and move on in real time. Not to be too punitive, but, like during last week’s ball with Nina, I was struck by a singular, vicious feeling that I need these girls to be punished. All Winners worked at the level it did because all the girls could show up with some level of competency in every challenge. That is not the case here.

Now, this could be a “just this week” problem. Snatch Game is a particularly difficult challenge. Someone like Vanjie, who likely will be entertaining during some of the acting challenges, can’t just work her way through on the strength of her personality. So maybe it’s not a permanent issue, and they’ll do an easy challenge next week and everybody will knock it out of the park. But as is, I found it terribly unsatisfying to watch people not try very hard, do badly, and just kind of move on. What about that is fun? Why are you bothering to show me someone doing a bad job if it’s not going to affect the competition? Moving forward, the show is going to need to figure out how to either minimize non-stellar performances or add some stakes.

Even while watching Angeria at the top of the episode get kind of annoyed about being cut off — she’s pretending not to be, but she is — I was struck by how little it mattered to me. Angeria is one of three, maybe four people with a chance to win any of the comedy challenges; she’ll be fine, and it’s not like she runs any major risk if she’s not. The strongest emotion anyone has throughout this entire episode, in fact, is a little bit of annoyance: Angeria is a little annoyed she got cut off; Shannel and Nina are a little annoyed that they brought the same character; Plastique is a little annoyed she is still onstage during the challenge. That’s it! How blah!

Part of the issue with this season is that there is no built-in penalty for doing badly. The ruby snippers can go to anybody who hasn’t won the challenge. It’s not that girls need to go home, necessarily, but there should be some acknowledgment of subpar work — especially in a season where it’s clear we’re going to be getting some. Lots of these queens are world class at something, but only two (Angeria and Gottmik) have shown themselves to be true all-rounders. Even if nobody’s going home, there needs to be some sort of penalty to give the illusion of stakes.

Breezing through the Snatch Game prep: Shannel and Nina both brought Liberace, and then, because there’s no penalty for being the worse one, both decide to do it. I shrug!

On to the Snatch Game!

The first crew includes Angeria as The Jeffersons’ Marla Gibbs, Roxxxy as Tasha Salad, Shannel as Liberace, and Jorgeous as John Leguizamo. Angeria does well enough. She was once a part of the worst Snatch Game of all time (although nowhere near the worst part of it), and here she does … fine by choosing a character well within her wheelhouse. Roxxxy’s Tasha Salad is the third time she’s trotted out a character that was just fine the first time. I found this a little annoying. Shannel’s Liberace is horny as fuck and quick with a joke. I wish that, instead of Snatch Game of Love, we could have seen Shannel do original flavor for the first time — she’s made it through three seasons and never done a normal Snatch Game. Finally, Jorgeous does poorly as John Leguizamo in To Wong Foo, but it doesn’t matter because nobody’s going home.

On the second crew, Vanjie plays Cleopatra, which is to say Vanjie plays Vanjie. She gives up halfway through, and I would have liked to see this whole thing criticized rather harshly. She has all the same problems from season 11: a lack of commitment and a lack of ability to play anything other than Vanjie. Nina is the second Liberace, who she essentially turns into a cartoon version of himself and is able to keep gabbing in character no matter the situation, which is the most important part of the game. It was, like much of Nina’s work, well done, committed, broad, and not particularly exciting. Plastique plays Ali Wong, which she is told in the Werk Room is a terrible choice but, knowing that she’s not getting sent home, she doesn’t change course. She gives one of the most offensively half-hearted performances I’ve ever seen on Drag Race — so bad and performed with so little effort that I think it was a waste of the audience’s time and borderline rude to the show.

Gottmik comes up with one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard on this show (the dog who played Lassie, as a washed-up-yet-glamorous Old Hollywood starlet), uses her insane makeup skills to transform completely, and has some bits that absolutely killed me. Her panting? Funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I do think she coasts a little on sheer concept, without the sort of laugh-out-loud lines that her Paris had, but I can’t be mad at it. This was, simply put, one of the best-conceptualized Snatch Game characters of all time.

On the runway, the theme is a Tail and Two Titties. Angeria does a well-made, beautiful dragon look that I have no notes for but also doesn’t really get me going. It’s expensive! It fits the brief! Roxxxy does Jessica Rabbit, looks great. Shannel comes out in a super-high-drag scorpion look. Vanjie comes out in a much worse scorpion look. Nina dresses as the solar system, looks bad. Plastique stuns in a fox goddess look that reminded me why I was happy she’s on this season after a Snatch Game that bad. I found Jorgeous’s look, ummm … a little creepy?

Then there’s Gottmik, who is, again, in a league of her own. Her look is based on her mastectomy, with surgeon arms wrapped around her, bedazzled surgical scars, and a purse with removed breasts. It is incredible, original, beautiful, eerie, and absolutely one of the best things I’ve ever seen on that runway. At this point, it’s hard to see how she loses this season. What is she bad at?

Gottmik and Nina lip sync to “Banana” by guest judge Anitta, and Nina earns most of the attention, but not in a good way. Look: I get it from her. Nina is known for turning in one of the worst lip syncs of all time on her original season, alongside Silky. She then watched Silky become known as an actively good lip-syncer for all her reveals. So it all makes sense. HOWEVER! The amount of reveals that are clearly designed to happen regardless of the song shows a lack of interpretive ability. Nina, it is clear, is not a good lip-syncer. Gottmik doesn’t win so much as Nina loses, but I’m not mad at it after the week she’s had. She chops Jorgeous, which is silly. She should just be chopping Angeria, who thus far appears to be her only competition, over and over.

And also on Untucked…

• Untucked is, say it with me now, fine. Anitta shows up.

• I think it would have been really, really funny if a queen other than Roxxxy had decided to do Tasha Salad. Imagine if Vanjie had just been like “I’m also doing Tasha Salad!”

• I know it’s only three episodes in, but at this point I don’t see how Mik loses. I forgot how good she is. She’s so good!

• The girls who win this week get two stars: One to keep and one to give away. The choice to only include that in this section is a political one because it doesn’t matter.

• Gay Thoughts from Gay People: I had to outsource passionate opinions about Snatch Game of Love, because I’ve never really cared about it replacing normal Snatch Game. Luckily my sister (and by that I mean gay male friend) Noam has thoughts: “I loathe Snatch Game of Love, and don’t think it’s produced a single iconic performance. The questions are less interesting, it’s more focused on a famous (read: hot) snatchelor, and most importantly there’s less opportunity for the queens to riff and play off each other. All the greatest All-stars Snatch Game performances (Mae West, Paul Lynde, Björk, Judy Garland, etc.) have been on regular style Snatch Games, and I don’t believe that to be a coincidence!” One note for Noam from me: Jujubee’s Eartha Kitt is, in fact, iconic. Still, his point is otherwise well-taken.