Months After Clarifying He's Not Dead, Richard Simmons Confirms Broadway Dreams

"Please don’t be sad. I am...dying,” Richard Simmons wrote in a Facebook post not two months ago. Only he is, quite notably, not dying, as he was forced to clarify days later. Now, the reclusive fitness guru known as "The Weight Saint" is apparently weighing his options for a Broadway biopic. “I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who is an attorney and manages famous artists in music,” Simmons shared on Facebook last week. “She wants to do an interactive Broadway show about my life.” The operative word here: Interactive. That's right. The show would see its audience participating in what I presume will be a choreographed routine. I mean, Broadway shows are always promising to bring patrons out of their seats and they so rarely deliver, but I'm not not intrigued about what rows of theatre dorks doing jumping jacks might look like logistically. “I am so excited about the prospect of my own Broadway show," Simmons continued. "I have so many ideas and I’m writing them all down…Broadway is in my blood!” Frankly, given Simmons' persona—in all of its catchphrases, choreography, and colorful athleisure—I'm shocked this hasn't happened already. News of the Broadway debut comes months after The Court Jester, an unauthorized short film about Simmons' life premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Unfortunately, Pauly Shore starred as Simmons and the latter wanted nothing to do with its production. A biopic—once again starring Shore—chronicling Simmons was also recently announced. Simmons disavowed that film too, which apparently, made Shore cry "all night." Simmons’ official Facebook page confirmed that he hadn’t signed off on the film via a statement from the man himself: “Hi Everybody! You may have heard they may be doing a movie about me with Pauly Shore. I have never given my permission for this movie. So don’t believe everything you read. I no longer have a manager, and I no longer have a publicist. I just try to live a quiet life and be peaceful. Thank you for all your love and support. Richard.” Well, it looks like all of this might've just inspired Simmons to seize some creative control of his own legacy, and for that, I say: Me and my complete and utter lack of coordination will be there opening night.