I had a drunken one-night stand five years ago – but husband still can’t get over it
DEAR DEIDRE: I MADE one stupid mistake by having a drunken one-night stand and have done everything I can to make up for it – but my husband can’t get past it.
It was five years ago before we were married and I confessed straight away. My husband said he forgave me — but it’s clear he hasn’t.
I am 29, he is 31 and we have a daughter together.
I would never dream of cheating on him now. Yet when we argue he always brings it up and uses it to belittle me.
Sometimes we can be having a lovely time, until a TV show comes on in which someone is having an affair. He will tut or make a comment and the atmosphere will become tense.
He never says anything directly to me, but I know what is meant behind it.
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It haunts me and stops me from being truly happy in my relationship.
I am starting to feel as though I am not good enough for him. The derogatory comments have also made me feel self-conscious.
The result is that I rarely feel like having sex, which makes my husband think I am having an affair.
It’s become a vicious circle. I have told him so many times that I am not interested in anyone but him — and it’s true.
I have done everything to make up for this one error, but it seems he doesn’t want to trust me and is still punishing me.
Are we ever going to be able to move on?
I wish I’d never told him the truth. He’d probably never have found out, and we’d be so much happier.
I feel as though I can’t win.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband clearly cannot forget the past. By constantly bringing it up, he is damaging your relationship and how you feel about yourself.
He clearly still holds a grudge and doesn’t entirely trust you. You both need to put this behind you and focus on the present, and your future together.
You need to talk to him and tell him you want to move forward from this together.
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help.
Think about having couples counselling so you can talk about the issue in a safe space.
My support pack about Counselling will tell you where to go for this.