Happy Juneteenth and welcome to this special afternoon edition of Dirt Bag. By now, I'm sure you've seen Justin Timberlake's mugshot, which pretty much looks like a Time Magazine Person of the Year cover. I'm convinced the Sag Harbor Police Department is full of amateur portrait photographers Of course, the mugshot came with a crime, specifically, a DWI. Timberlake was reportedly partying with friends at the American Hotel in Sag Harbor, New York before getting pulled over by police after midnight on Tuesday. Although, "partying" feels generous. A "local source" told People that "the place itself is a Hamptons institution" (excuse me!) but that it's "not much of a party scene." So Timberlake essentially had one too many martinis (though he reportedly claimed he only had one before refusing a breathalyzer three times) which, in my opinion, is a pretty boring way to get a DWI. Luckily, no one, including Timberlake, was injured—unless, of course, you count Timberlake's "world tour" which is supposed to kick off in Chicago on Friday, and which Timberlake reportedly was especially concerned about... Since everyone's physically safe and sound, we're free to laugh about all the details surrounding the arrest. The first fun detail is that the cop who pulled Timberlake over had no idea who the hell he was. The second, more fun and more hilarious detail is that, according to Page Six, Justin said, "This is going to ruin the tour," and when the cop asked, "What tour?" Justin replied, "The world tour." Thoughts and prayers! The exchange has unsurprisingly taken Twitter by storm and I suspect it will go down as one of the top memes of 2024. My contribution pic.twitter.com/TmwF4vKaHz — trad kath (@kathryntdubbs) June 19, 2024 But in the aftermath of this deeply embarrassing mishap—and if we want to discuss karmic retribution, the universe is letting him off pretty fucking easy considering how much he sucks—Timberlake's received at least one piece of good news. (Not that he needs or deserves any!) Ted Conklin, the owner of the American Hotel, told TMZ that Justin was a "great guest and a nice guy" and that, not only will the hotel not ban him, he will be welcomed back with open arms. Phew! I was so worried. Meanwhile, Jessica Biel is reportedly "not happy," which sounds like the correct emotion to experience after your loser husband gets pulled over in his dumb 2025 BMW by a cop who didn't even know who he was. But she'll "always be by his side" so I am not sending her any thoughts or prayers. Justin's due in court on July 26—the same day his The Forget Tomorrow World Tour is scheduled to be in Kraków, Poland. On Friday, a rep for Edward Burke Jr., Justin's big, fancy lawyer, said: “Mr. Burke looks forward to vigorously defending Mr. Timberlake against these allegations. He will have a lot to say at the appropriate time." I'm sat! Stay tuned. As if the cop being too young to know who Justin Timberlake is wasn't enough to make me feel old: Suri Cruise went to prom. [Page Six] Jennifer Lopez is by herself in Italy...so whatever you want to take away from that. [TMZ] Eva Longoria called Tom Cruise the "kindest human." Hm. [DuJour Magazine] Travis Kelce says he recently learned how to make "some home-cooked pasta. Like, some actual noodles, home-cooked and everything.” God bless him. [Us Weekly] Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could run into each other at the Venice Film Festival...[Hollywood Reporter] Gracie Abrams once watched Taylor Swift put out a fire which apparently makes her "such a legend." [Billboard]
