Millennials and Gen Zers are 'quiet quitting' friendships, and it could backfire
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- Millennials and Gen Zers are embracing "quiet quitting" to end friendships gradually.
- The term originated on TikTok in 2022 to describe minimal effort at work.
- Experts warn that this approach can cause confusion and recommend open communication instead.
Some millennials and Gen Zers are embracing "quiet quitting" as a means of ending friendships.
The term originally gained popularity on TikTok in 2022 as a way to describe employees doing the bare minimum without actually quitting or getting fired.
But the trend has taken a turn, and some people are now using the same strategy to end a friendship: slowly phasing out communication without directly saying that they no longer want to be friends with someone.
Melissa Ann Marie, a TikToker in her 30s, spoke about her experience using this strategy in a TikTok video posted on June 1.
"It's not like a romantic relationship where it has to end because you're seeing other people, but it kind of just has to slowly fade because you're not prioritizing each other anymore," Marie said in the video, which has 2.3 million views and 168,7000 likes at the time of writing.
In a follow-up video posted on June 3, Marie said the reasons for ending her past friendships varied, from noticing that one friend gossiped too much while another failed to put in the effort.
Out with the old
Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist, told Business Insider that he has noticed "an instinctual impulse among millennials and Gen Zers to start molting connections" that are "hindering who they're becoming."
"While losing enduring connections can lead to feelings of isolation or missing out, quiet quitting may also be a healthy way for millennials and Gen Zers to prune their social lives, allowing new, richer relationships to grow," he added.
Azul Cibils Blaquier, a 23-year-old journalist from Argentina, agrees with Glazer's assessment. Speaking to BI over email, Blaquier said she quiet quit her group of childhood friends earlier this year.
Blaquier said things started to fizzle out when she temporarily relocated to the US two years ago, and her friends stopped making an effort to stay in touch.
"I tried talking to them about it individually, but eventually, I grew tired of being the first one to phone and, ultimately, of no one doing anything about my pain," she said.
Though she moved back to Buenos Aires in December, Blaquier said she could tell that things wouldn't return to normal with her old friend group.
"Quiet quitting on these friendships has opened me up emotionally to making new, stronger ones," she said.
Quiet quitting can lead to regret, experts say
Mark Vahrmeyer, a psychotherapist and cofounder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, told BI that the consequences of quiet quitting depend on the circumstances.
For example, he said if you notice that you are outgrowing a friend, or if the friendship has naturally run its course, then the line of communication may fade organically.
However, he said it should be avoided if it is being used as a strategy to avoid confrontation over a real issue that has upset you.
"Generally where there is conflict, rather than a simple diverging of paths, this should be addressed in a friendship either to attempt to resolve it, or conversely, if repair is not possible, to bring an end to the relationship," he said.
Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist and mental health expert at Headspace, told BI that quiet quitting to avoid conflict will lead to feelings of regret, as unresolved feelings remain permanently unaddressed.
"The act of distancing without any explanation can understandably leave lingering discomfort and unanswered questions," she said.
"For the person initiating the distancing, there may be feelings of regret or remorse, especially if their reasons for doing so were due to avoiding confrontation, which can later leave a sense of a missed opportunity to resolve things."
Margaret Bankole, a friendship and relationships counselor, told BI that quiet quitting can be harmful for both sides, as it will ruin the opportunity to gain closure.
"It is given less weight than ghosting, but it can have the same effects, if not worse, as the person on the other end is left feeling confused," she said.
"Honesty is always the best policy — tell someone why you want to end a friendship in order to bring closure. It will give them a chance to explain, as it could be a simple misunderstanding, or you can both walk away in peace."