Boring sex pushed me into the arms of my gay mate
DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED on my girlfriend with my gay male best mate, and I don’t even feel guilty about it.
Although I’ve never been unfaithful to her before, I’ve realised my relationship is boring – particularly our sex life. I’m not sure if I should leave her.
I’m a 28-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 26. My best mate is 27.
We’ve been together for eighteen months, living together for six.
A couple of weeks ago, she went to visit her best friend from home.
I went out for a drink with my best mate. He invited me back to his place, we carried on drinking and started kissing.
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He told me he could turn any straight man and I dared him to try.
Next thing I knew, we were in his bed. The sex was amazing, and we did it three times over the weekend.
Before I met my girlfriend, I had lots of casual sex – although only ever with women.
I don’t consider myself gay or bisexual. It was just an experience, which I enjoyed.
I think the fact he was a man just made it thrilling and illicit – something novel to tick off my list.
I thought I’d feel bad about it afterwards, but I don’t. I know it was wrong to cheat, but if she never finds out it can’t hurt her.
But it has made me realise that although I do like her – she’s kind and sweet – our sex life is dull.
And she never wants to try anything new – either in bed or out of it.
She’s shy and responsible, while I’m outgoing and a bit of a thrill-seeker. I’m not sure we’re compatible.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If cheating on your girlfriend doesn’t even make you feel guilty, then it suggests you don’t have strong feelings for her.
She’s clearly not right for you, and it’s not fair to string her along – or to put her sexual health at risk again.
As you crave excitement and new experiences, it’s likely you’re not ready to settle down.
It’s time to be honest with her about your feelings.
My support pack, Ending A Relationship, may help you to extricate yourself as painlessly for everyone as possible.
Please get checked at your local sexual health clinic, to make sure you haven’t got any STIs.
If you didn’t practise safe sex with your friend, you need to tell her.