Lauren Sanchez, Where Is Your Life Jacket?!

Lauren Sanchez wore an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie (not yellow, totally un-polka-dotted) bikini while Jet Skiing with Kim Kardashian in Greece. She looked good. Everyone seemed to be having fun. Whatever!

What really caught my attention wasn’t the gold sheen of the swimsuit, nor its petite, little string ties, and it honestly wasn’t Kardashian taking a duck face selfie — yes, she threw up a peace sign in it — nearby. It was the fact that Sanchez was without a life jacket. I’m sorry to say, Ms. Sanchez, but this is a fashion faux pas. Even your fiancé, wannabe strongman Jeff Bezos, had one on. But then again, maybe he’s just not good at sharing …

According to a mariner law firm, 600 to 700 people are injured in Jet Ski accidents every year. Sure, that’s a small number in the grand scheme of it all, but it’s still more than zero. And for all intents and purposes, Sanchez is at the top of her game: successful career pivot (ah yes, the all too familiar journalist-to-helicopter-pilot-who-specializes-in-flying-them-for-movies-pipeline), a fat rock on her finger, a Vogue cover, and a Met Gala appearance under her belt. The Daily Beast even briefly threatened to hire a reporter dedicated to covering Sanchez. Why risk it all with a potentially sidelining injury or, gasp, worse? Look, if I had enough breast tissue to fill out a swimsuit like that, I’d also want the world to see it. But on a high-speed Jet Ski? The cleavage can wait. We need you to stay alive, girl.

Related

• Lauren Sánchez Makes Her Met Gala Debut
• Jeff Bezos, Instagram Boyfriend