I’m having a sordid affair – I feel sorry for my husband but the sex is too good & it’s made me a better wife and mum
MUM-of-five Charlotte, 53, tells how a red-hot affair made her a better mother and wife – even revitalising sex with her husband.
But with 20% of people cheating, should she really feel guilty?
I WAS so excited as I checked my profile on a dating site in February this year.
Hundreds of men were paraded on my mobile phone seeking fast sex with women just like me.
From hot silver foxes to regular dad bod blokes, I couldn’t believe the choice I had right on my doorstep.
But this wasn’t your average dating app — it was one specifically for cheating.
At 53, I was dipping my toe into a world of deceit.
It was a knee-jerk reaction to an argument with my husband — but little did I know how far it would progress.
I used to be quite a party girl when I was young.
When I married my husband I was happy, but as the years went by and I settled into being mum to our five kids, I lost that person.
I’d always had that niggling wonder about having an affair — the thrill of sex with a stranger right under my man’s nose — but I never thought I’d actually go through with it.
Fast forward to 2024 and I was typing furiously on my phone, hoping a stranger would have his way with me to spite the man I thought I loved.
We had spats all the time, but this one was different.
That evening, my husband had launched into a lecture about our spiralling bills, the cost of our grown-up children and the spending on luxuries such as hot holidays that we simply couldn’t afford.
I snapped. Years of stupid arguments, rubbish sex and the same old dull routine had worn me down. I looked into his eyes and felt no love, just loathing.
At 53, I’m not Britain’s Next Top Model, but I’m attractive despite the five children I’ve had. I still turn heads on a night out with the girls.
My husband didn’t give me the attention I wanted any more, and it hurt.
When we tied the knot in the ’90s he’d squeeze my bottom as I did the dishes and whip me around for a kiss in the street. He’d buy me flowers and make me feel like I was special.
Never felt so sexy
When the children arrived, something switched. He became a boring, albeit lovely, middle-aged man who chose watching Mastermind on TV over an erotic evening in bed.
The sex was lacklustre anyway. Despite his efforts, I hadn’t been satisfied — not remotely — in many, many years.
It got me wondering, as I plodded on with my boring routine — would this fiftysomething mother with greying hair and a few extra pounds get attention from other men?
Was I brave enough to put myself out there in the dating world?
That February night I jumped down the rabbit hole of illicit dating — and so far, I haven’t looked back.
I ended up seeing a guy who lives just a few streets away.
29% rise in women signing up to cheating apps this year
We went for what I thought was a fairly private walk around a quiet park but I spotted two of my friends heading our way.
I had to leap into a bush to avoid being outed there and then. Needless to say, I’m much more careful now.
Nowadays, I’ve settled into weekly meetings with one very handsome man who lives about 80 miles from me.
He’s happily married with kids, but our meetings are so exciting. We won’t leave our partners for each other, but the thrill is too much to ignore.
I see this man once or twice a week, tiptoeing to a daytime hotel to do the deed.
He’s a successful, smart and clever executive at a financial company who pays for everything we do together.
He’s very good at disguising his affair. There’s no paper trail of our meetings.
We both have a secret app called Signal that’s only accessed by facial recognition and deletes messages once a month. It stops our other halves seeing pop-up messages from WhatsApp or Facebook.
It’s too exciting
No numbers or names are stored in our contacts, mainly because our kids swipe our phones and the risk is too high. He would never phone me without checking via Signal if I could speak first.
We talk most days, mainly when I’m at work and out of earshot of any loved ones.
We have separate email accounts with unusual passwords our spouses would never guess and we make sure our location is always turned off on our phones.
I learnt the hard way early on when my children asked why I wasn’t where I said I was.
69% of female cheat app members used it during
the Euros
Having an affair is exhausting.
Each day when I wake, and when I go to sleep, I think about the risk I’m taking. Every day I expect my husband to come home and ask me who this man is, or who he saw me with. But it’s not happened yet.
I’m having a fantastic time with a man who’s made me feel alive again.
Pushing the guilt aside, this man has made me better at my job. I’m a better friend, a better mother and, dare I say it, a better wife. Why? Because I’m actually happy.
Research has found that generally, women who cheat report an increase in self-esteem and life satisfaction after an affair.
But while I’m more tolerant of my husband and we are having more regular sex, I have to think about my affair to get through it. That’s awful, isn’t it?
The sex is just too good
To be honest I feel sorry for my husband. I think that’s worse than the crippling guilt I bury each day.
He has absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I work two different jobs and I’m always busy socialising. He has no reason to question my whereabouts because he trusts me wholeheartedly.
I’m not a heartless person. I don’t want my husband to feel demeaned, but I can’t stop.
If my husband found out what I was doing, it’d be catastrophic. He loves me.
I’m his whole life — but while he starts planning our retirement, my mind is wandering to my daytime hotel trysts.
The thought of my husband falling apart, my kids upset, my family disappointed, used to rip me up inside. But you reach a point when you can just put those feelings to one side.
40% more women admit having affairs than
in 1990
Yes, I lie to everyone I love, but I am where I am.
Do I still love my husband? I don’t think so. I love the history we’ve got together but I obviously don’t respect him or I wouldn’t be having an affair.
I’d be astounded if he ever cheated on me but after my actions, nothing surprises me any more.
While we still have children at home, I’ll bend over backwards to hide my affair.
I’m not proud of myself but I will continue to have sex with this man until it all comes crashing down in dramatic fashion, which I have no doubt it will. There will be a careless text, a public sighting, an open email at my desk at some point.
These sordid secrets have a way of making themselves known and I’ve made my peace with that.
If my husband finds out it’d be the end of our marriage. In his sweet, trusting way he’d forgive me.
He’d try to find excuses for me like stress, empty nest with our kids moving out or even a midlife crisis.
Ruin my life
As for my family, they’d never look at me the same way again, but time is a healer. We’d all move on. It would ruin my life, but somehow, despite the catastrophe, I think it’s worth it.
I have every intention to remove myself from the dating site Illicit Encounters and stop meeting up with my secret man, but an affair is like an addiction.
Once you’ve caught the bug, you can’t stop, no matter how much you try. It’s too exciting and the sex is just too good to walk away from.
If you’re unhappy in your marriage, have an affair.
Trust me, more of us than you think are doing it.
I’ve never felt so sexy and special and I’ve never been a better person than who I am now.
I’m like a teenager again with butterflies in my belly. How could anyone give this up?