Harriette Cole: I make more than my fiance, and his mother humiliated me with a prenup demand

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. He recently proposed to me, and his parents personally contacted me for a get-together.

My boyfriend was not included, as they claimed they only wanted to get to know me.

I work as a bartender, which is what they know about me. However, besides that, I have investments and properties, and I actually earn more than their son. Bartending is just something I enjoy because of the lively community.

In the middle of our dinner, my boyfriend’s mother said that I needed to sign a prenuptial agreement because I am just a bartender, and it would solve financial problems in the future between me and my husband.

Feeling humiliated, I told them about my businesses and highlighted that I earn more than their son and have no problem with a prenuptial agreement.

They have since apologized and requested that I don’t tell my fiance.

I am still contemplating whether to tell him.

— Prenuptial Agreement

DEAR PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT: I don’t think it’s healthy to start a marriage with secrets, especially one that has to do with your future in-laws.

You should tell your fiance, but you can frame it from the perspective that they were trying to protect him. Tell him what happened, and allow that to be a segue into a conversation about money and the future.

Being clear about money and how you earn, manage, save and invest it is important for your alignment as a couple. So, tell him, open up the discussion and make it a valuable conversation for the two of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is my day off work today, and I noticed a stack of unopened parcels in my living room, which got me thinking. I’ve been noticing a worrying pattern in my spending habits lately.

Despite having a good income, I find myself frequently making impulse purchases on items like electronics and clothing. Although this isn’t causing financial strain — I can pay all my bills on time — I find that I’m unable to save anything for my future.

As a 25-year-old, this concern is growing because it impacts my ability to save for important goals like buying a home or planning for retirement.

How can I regain control over my spending and develop better financial habits? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

— Concerned Spender

DEAR CONCERNED SPENDER: You’ve taken the first step, which may be the most important: acknowledging that you have a problem.

Take a moment and write down everything that you have purchased, and add up the total. What does that number represent to you? What else might you have done with that money?

Don’t beat yourself up. Just be aware of the impact that this money could have had on your life if you used it differently.

Now look at your life and think about your future. What do you want for yourself? You mention buying a home. You likely also want a cushion of savings. Make a plan so that you can have that.

Ask your employer to automatically deposit a portion of your paycheck to your 401(k) or other savings instrument so you never see that money. Talk to a financial planner to create a strategy for investing and saving. Allow a professional to guide you to use your resources more wisely.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.