My husband’s midlife crisis has derailed our marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: I TOOK my husband back after he had a mid-life crisis and moved in with another woman, but now I’ve found out he’s secretly on sex chat sites. I’m so humiliated.
My head is telling me to throw him out, but my heart says I should give our marriage one last shot.
I’m 44 and he’s 46. We have two children who are 10 and 12.
Five years ago, my husband suddenly decided he didn’t love me anymore and that he wanted to leave.
We separated and I then learned he was seeing a woman from work, which hurt me deeply.
But we had to get on, for the kids’ sake.
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Then, two years ago, his relationship ended, and he said he’d realised he’d made a huge mistake.
He put it down to turning 40, and questioning his life choices.
He begged to come back so we could be a proper family again. I agreed to give him another chance.
For a while, things were great.
But recently, he’s been moody, stopped making an effort and doesn’t communicate.
Last week, he went out with friends and I decided to find out what was going on.
I went on his laptop and easily guessed his password – our daughter’s date of birth.
I discovered he’d been emailing another woman.
It led to a chat site, where he was talking to several women – and sending explicit pictures.
He’d been doing it for years!
I felt so sick. When he arrived home, I confronted him.
He begged me not to kick him out, saying he would never do it again.
He deleted his accounts and the email address in front of me.
But I can’t forgive him. I think it’s time to end our marriage once and for all, but how can I break my kids’ hearts again?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Deidre says:
Your husband betrayed your trust and let you down for a second time.
Not only has he cheated, he’s no longer invested in you and taking you for granted.
It’s not surprising you feel like walking away.
Don’t stay just for the kids – they won’t thrive in an unhappy relationship. See my support pack, When Parents Fall Out.
Be honest with yourself, do you really think he is capable of proving his commitment to you?
You will be the best person to decide this. Either way couples counselling would help you both work through your feelings.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (www.tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960).