I fantasise about having sex with my ex to orgasm with my girlfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my partner is so boring that I fantasise about the adventurous trysts I had with my ex.

The problem is, I feel guilty for doing this because I love her. 

We’ve been together for three years. I’m 30 and she’s 29.

She has every quality I want in a partner – except she’s not much fun in bed.

Before me, she only had a few lovers, and they always had vanilla sex.

She’s never explored her fantasies or experimented with toys, and she certainly hasn’t had threesomes or sex in public – like I have.

Her sex drive is much lower than mine too. With my ex, I would have sex twice a day.

My partner is happy to do it once a week.

She knows I’ve had a much more colourful past than her, and it makes her insecure. 

If I suggest something new, she says, ‘Who did you do that with?’

So I bury my frustrations in my fantasies. Is this wrong?

DEIDRE SAYS: You shouldn’t feel guilty about fantasising, which is normal and healthy. 

But it sounds like your sexual incompatibility with your partner might spoil your relationship if you don’t do something about it. 

Although you should never make her do anything she doesn’t want, you can talk to her and suggest exploring sex together – doing things you haven’t done with someone else – to bring you closer. 

See my support packs on Different Sex Drives and 50 Ways to Add Fun to Sex, for tips.