My son's soccer team only won one game all season. I helped coach, and losing brought us closer together.
Courtesy of Tara Calihman
- When my son asked to join a soccer team, I signed him up right away.
- I was asked to help coach the team, and though I knew nothing about the sport, I agreed.
- The team only won one game, but we all learned a lot about being resilient.
My son had never expressed any interest in organized team sports, so when he tentatively asked whether he could join our local soccer club, I couldn't sign him up for tryouts fast enough. At the trial session, he performed well.
Standing on the sidelines with some of the other parents, I joked that if they needed help, I'd be happy to take care of the physical conditioning side of things. I also followed this joke with the truth: I didn't know anything about soccer outside of watching "Ted Lasso."
I was asked to help coach even though I knew nothing about soccer
A few days after doing so, I received a call from the club's upper management. It turned out that if my son wanted a place on the team, some parents would need to step up and offer to help with the coaching. They had the numbers for the team but no one to lead the way.
The club manager had heard that I was offering help and wanted me to commit. But it was a joke, I told him. He stressed again that if they couldn't find anyone to volunteer, the team wouldn't be able to proceed.
Given these two options, I took a deep breath, reiterated that I had no idea what I was doing, and said yes. Then, I was off to the library to check out a dummies guide to soccer. Fortunately, two other parents also volunteered to help — it's possible they got suckered into it, too, but either way, we were all in it together.
As the only woman present at the practices, I took it upon myself to help with the emotional outbursts that are common for 13-year-old boys on the cusp of — or deep into — puberty. During a training session, teammates could progress from joking to crying to almost getting into fights. The hormones were all over the place and regularly caused interruptions in play. (I also once coached a junior high cross-country team when I was teaching middle school, so I had experience with this exact age group and knew that snickering whenever I mentioned balls was to be expected.)
Courtesy of Tara Calihman
Our team only won one game
The other coaches and I had a few drills that we used at practice, but most of our time was spent allowing the boys to scrimmage, as this was an excellent way to get them working as a team and emulating actual gameplay. However, because we didn't know much about how to actually coach, we were at a loss as to how to help them improve their skills. This did not bode well for our chance of victory when it came to game days.
The first few matches of the season provided big learning curves for all involved. Coaches, parents, and players alike could tell that it was going to be a long season. We lost the games by huge margins, but I made sure to mention the positives I saw and reminded the boys that we were out there to have fun.
Over time, as we continued to lose, this began to wear thin. But the point is, no matter how many losses we tacked on, we kept showing up. I'd like to think that the resiliency and commitment that we had to not give up is one that my son will not forget.
It turns out that soccer is an amazing game and one that I loved learning about over the course of the very long season. We did end up winning one game towards the end, and it felt extra good knowing all that we had battled through together.
Did I love that I got to blow my whistle and yell at my son to run faster during warmups? Yes. But what I loved more was the time we spent together, traveling to practices and out on the field.