'Everything About Me Comes Down to Numbers': Teens Fear College Applications Miss What's Most Important

If your teen is a high school senior, chances are right now your house is buzzing with talk of college essays, deadlines, and test scores. But for many students, the biggest stress actually isn’t finishing everything on time or whether their stats measure up — it’s wondering whether the applications will show colleges who they are beyond the numbers. Today’s teens are asking: Will my real value as a person even be visible to admissions officers?

“I started seriously thinking about college in sophomore year, and now with the ACT, it feels like everything about me comes down to numbers and scores,” said Juliet, a rising senior and member of the SheKnows Teen Council.

That fear isn’t unusual. In a recent SheKnows Teen Council survey, nearly half of teens (43.75%) admitted they do certain activities only to put them on college applications. Many described the process in one word as “overwhelmed,” “stressed,” or “scary.”

Another Teen Council member, Clive, 16, worries that the things that make him unique don’t translate on paper. “I’m worried about showcasing my non-academic skills, like my social abilities or the fact that I love building things,” he said. “That’s really hard to put on a college application.”

Greta, 17, put it more bluntly: “The college process is so competitive that sometimes it feels like no matter who you are as a person, it’s not enough — it’s all about what looks good on paper.”

And Olivia, 17, summed up what many of her peers feel: “I stress about whether colleges will actually see me, not just my grades … and what’s on a transcript.”

How Teens Can Show the “Real Me”

That disconnect — between who teens really are and what applications measure — can fuel anxiety. Nearly 9 in 10 survey respondents said they plan to go to college, yet many feel unsupported. Some meet with school counselors only once a month or less, and more than half said competition with peers is intense.

Experts agree that part of the problem is how applications are structured. Writing in Inside Higher Ed, author and academic advisor Ana Homayoun noted: “A key failure in education … is our hyper-focus on the entire process around college admission —­ including an emphasis on grades, test scores, and extracurricular activities.” That laser focus can overshadow the qualities that actually help students thrive in college and beyond.

So what can students do? According to a Business Insider article by veteran admissions counselor Aviva Legatt, “The strongest candidates almost always have three soft skills: adaptability, intellectual vitality, and executive functioning. These traits aren’t always the most visible on paper, but they show up in the choices students make and the stories they tell.”

Homayoun echoed this in a recent KQED MindShift piece: “We all play a role in supporting students beyond grades, test scores and college admission. … This narrow focus … has inadvertently sidelined necessary skills like organization, planning, prioritization and non-transactional relationship building.”

Making Soft Skills Shine

Parents and teens alike can help ensure those qualities don’t get lost in the shuffle. Experts suggest:

More Than Numbers

For stressed-out teens, that reminder matters. College may still require GPAs and test scores, but what teens want most is to be seen as people, not checkboxes.

As Olivia put it: “I just want colleges to notice the things that make me me.”