Miss Manners: I refuse to be part of their Christmas list ritual

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Each year, Halloween heralds my own personal horror: the season during which my family harasses me to provide them with a list of items that I would like for Christmas.

I abhor this annual ritual. To me, the value in receiving gifts is the knowledge that the giver took the time and effort to think about what I might really like and select something they thought might please me.

The beauty in gift-giving is in the attention paid to the receiver: looking carefully around their home to see if there is an item of comfort they might be missing; listening to their conversations for tidbits about their interests and hobbies; noticing the slight look of pleasure in their eyes when they see an artwork in a gallery window and deciding to make that pleasure permanent.

I have tried to gently explain this to my family, yet they are adamant that I should give them a list. My sister has taken to calling me daily to demand such a document, and she is now threatening to have my father, stepmother and other siblings do the same until I change my phone number or crack under the strain.

I would prefer receiving no gift at all to receiving one I selected myself.

I doubt my family members have noticed, but each year they make lists and circulate them, and each year I go to a great deal of effort to select gifts for them that are not on their lists, yet are a reflection of their personal tastes and interests.

How can I politely decline their repeated demands? I do not wish to suppress their joy in the holiday, but I simply cannot bring myself to accede to their wishes.

GENTLE READER: Alas, it is time to point out to them how much more efficient it would be to have all of you do your own shopping.

Miss Manners is sorry to see the end of an ancient tradition that was one of the hallmarks of civilization. As you have experienced, the gift registry/wish list has killed it. Just look at what this has done to what used to be referred to as the Christmas Spirit.

If they won’t agree to dropping either the lists or the entire custom, you will have to tell them that you are opting out. And you may have to change your telephone number after all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a writer and editor by profession, so I read books with a critical eye.

I bought a book written by an acquaintance of several years (nonfiction). I read the book and found several typos, one very noticeable, and one egregious error of fact.

Should I let my acquaintance know what I found? How can I, without insulting them? Or should I just keep my findings to myself? I don’t think my acquaintance knows my profession.

GENTLE READER: It is not so much “how” you should do this, as “why.” Can the errors be corrected at this point?

Miss Manners gathers that it is a printed book, rather than an e-book. If so, you can ask if it is going into a second edition.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.