The Conversation That Matters After Your Teen Mentions Losing Weight
The New Year reset has begun – and unfortunately, with January being synonymous with hitting the gym and detoxing, the internet is once again awash with weight loss content.
It’s hard not to be impacted by it as an adult. So it must feel impossible to navigate as a teenager.
“Young people are in a very developmental phase of life, which makes the pressure to lose weight in January particularly harmful,” said Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic.
“The bombardment of adverts featuring idealised beauty and body types – especially in January – can trigger difficult emotions and intensify dissatisfaction among young people who are being asked to meet an unachievable standard.”
Zoë Bisbing, founder of Body-Positive Therapy NYC, shared that a parent had told her their tween daughter’s New Year’s resolution was to lose weight.
But what can you say, as a parent or caregiver, when children come to you with this admission?
“The parent asked me if there is a way to support her daughter’s weight loss goals while also protecting against ED [eating disorder] risk,” said Bisbing on Instagram.
Her response? “Honestly, no. As an eating disorder therapist I can tell you that supporting ‘weight loss goals’ in a young person is nearly impossible to do without increasing risk for disordered eating, eating disorders and preoccupation with shape, weight and their control,” said the therapist.
“No one wants to hear this, but it’s the truth.”
How can parents respond when kids talk about losing weight?
Bisbing suggested it’s important for parents to be a “trusted source” for their kids – “one who can talk frankly about eating disorders, weight cycling and the importance of centring a peaceful relationship with food and movement”.
She continued: “When our child wants to lose weight... we have to think about support not as helping them lose weight, but rather as holding space for their negative feelings about their bodies while we hold limits around dieting behaviour”.
Yassin agrees that it’s important for parents to be offering young people emotional support by having an open conversation about what they are going through. “Be direct and show that you would like to speak about what’s going on rather than avoiding the issue,” she said.
Bisbing suggested parents could say something like: “I hear that you want to lose weight as your New Year’s resolution – I am thankful that you’re talking to me about it. A lot of people have body-related goals this time of year – but trying to ‘lose weight’, especially while you are still growing, has a lot of serious risks we need to consider.”
She suggested parents could even ask: “What are you hoping ‘weight loss’ will help you achieve?” to try and open up dialogue and encourage connection.
By fostering a supportive environment at home, parents can help children build confidence and resilience against societal pressures on appearance, added Yassin. Here’s her advice on how to do just that...
1. Don’t be judgmental
“Listen to what your child has to say and give them the space to open up about their feelings while staying open minded and non-judgmental,” said the therapist.
“Remember these conversations can be difficult for a young person and help them to understand that you’re coming from a place of love and care.”
If a child expresses feeling unattractive, Yassin advises against dismissive reassurance – for example, saying: “No, you’re beautiful.”
Instead, she advises listening to what they have to say, exploring their feelings, and validating the emotions behind their words.
2. Avoid appearance-based comments
“Complimenting children solely on looks, for example, ‘You look so slim in that dress,’ can make them feel valued only for their appearance,” said the therapist.
“Instead, praise personal qualities: emphasise kindness, helpfulness, or creativity over looks.
“Building confidence around who they are, not how they look, helps to strengthen self-worth. For example, ‘Your style is so fun and unique.’”
3. Don’t talk about dieting
Phrases like “we’ve eaten a lot today and haven’t exercised” can make children associate food with guilt, shared the therapist, who advises promoting balanced eating and movement without judgment.
4. Avoid modelling potentially dangerous behaviours
“Children mirror parents’ attitudes toward food, fitness, and appearance. Reflect on your own language and habits, and show kindness toward yourself and others,” said the therapist.
5. Talk to them about social media
Despite moderation from social media sites, pro-eating disorder content and accounts do still exist.
“Social media content, such as health and fitness posts, can encourage thinking patterns and feelings that help to maintain eating problems and disordered eating attitudes,” said Yassin.
“For example, ‘fitspiration’ content often emphasises a conception of ‘health’ that’s related to body shape and weight.”
She recommended parents should be speaking to their kids and teenagers about the kinds of things they are viewing on social media and how it affects them.
When to seek help
While some interest in appearance is normal, if a tween or teen has spoken about losing weight it’s important to keep an eye on them in case things escalate.
“Parents and caregivers can create an ‘early warning system’ by noticing gradual changes without being intrusive or judgmental,” said Yassin, who shared some of the signs to be vigilant for:
Increased body-checking (e.g. frequent mirror use)
Changes in routine or rigidity around food
Avoiding eating with other people and preferring to eat alone
Heightened interest in nutrition, cooking shows, or calorie content
Skipping meals, hoarding food, or saving lunch money
Increased cosmetic use or changes in self-care habits
Exercising a lot more than they used to
Isolation or withdrawal from friends
Intense focus on specific rules or rituals e.g. no eating after 4pm.
“If you notice any of these signs or feel like something isn’t right, it’s important to get professional support from a GP or qualified mental health professional,” the therapist continued.
“Young people can’t usually recover from eating disorders on their own and require treatment to recover and heal. Early intervention typically leads to better recovery outcomes, so parents should act quickly and avoid waiting until things get worse.”
Help and support:
Beat: Adult Helpline: 0808 801 0677 and Youthline: 0808 801 0711, or email help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk (adults) fyp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk (youth support)
Samaritans: Open 24 hours a day, on 116 123
Mind: Open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393