As mayor, it is my honor to announce that our quaint city will be pivoting to video immediately

Citizens of this city, council members, public servants, and members of the press: thank you all for coming to this meeting on such short notice. I, your elected mayor, am so thrilled and excited to announce that our great city will be pivoting to video, effective immediately.

Before we begin to celebrate with a big parade, or ceremony or something in my honor, I'm sure you'd all like to know how this will affect your lives and jobs. The answer is, of course, drastically.

First, let's begin with the foundation of our great city: the children. As I've always said, the children are our future and video is also the future and so the children must all learn video. Therefore, the public school system will be completely restructured so that our children have the best opportunity to grow (through video). Read more...