How to get back your husband’s affection after the baby arrives
Editor’s note: Brenda, the NAIJ.com partner blogger advises women on how to get back husband’s affection after the child birth.
Brenda is the owner of www.brendascouch.com
More details in NAIJ.com’s step-by-step guide for guest bloggers.
Mother nursing son
The birth of a child brings light and life to a couple as it opens a new chapter into their lives and union. While this happens, a lot of changes also take place in the body of a woman from the time of conception to after birthing the child. Most often, women however find this phase very challenging as they do not only battle to take care of their newly born but also on how to attract husband’s affection after child birth.
Late on Sunday evening, i got a call from a friend who has been having issues with her relationships. It seems all the guys coming for her have one issue about their characters or the other which she is not ready to deal with any. If not that I’ve known her for over 8 years to be someone who is well brought up with a good level and knowledge of morality and dealing with some life issues, i actually would have doubted her or told her to check herself properly.
You all know how we are quick to point fingers at someone without taking into consideration if we are actually the problem for ourselves or for the relationship.
According to her, either the man lies a lot or he’s someone who is arrogant, rude or one who doesn’t take into consideration the opinions of others (stating how she dislikes men who are so authoritative). And it seems these are the set of available men that have been targeting her lately which seems to be a great concern and worry for her.
While we talked on the phone, we diverted from her ”problem” to gossiping many other issues and finally to that of her cousin whom she’d recently visited in Lagos (it seems one of the raw materials God created women with is that of gossip).
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Anyway, she told me the story of a cousin of hers who is getting fed up with her young marriage. Even though the cousin is married to a wealthy man and money doesn’t seem to be their problem, the husband’s sudden change of affection is a cause for concern which the wife (my friend’s cousin) is trying to locate the source of it.
Her major frustration is that, all the sweetness that came before they tied the knot had all gone, with the husband developing a new habit of attending all social functions alone (something they used to do together).
The relationship with her husband after their baby’s birth reduced drastically with the husband losing total interest in her all of a sudden. Though, there were separated with more than 500 km, She’d believed all that her cousin had told her on phone initially without getting a first hand account of the problem.
But however, sometimes in September of 2016, she had an event in Lagos which required her to fly in from Abuja (the capital city of Nigeria). On touching down Lagos, she’d to put up with the cousin for the duration of the program instead of staying in an hotel as that would make her save some money.
Apparently, my friend hadn’t seen this her cousin for some times, probably during her pregnancy period and after she birthed her child. So on getting to her cousin’s home, the first sight that caught her attention was the cousin’s increase in weight.
After staying in the home with them for about 2 days, she also noticed some other new habits with the cousin that really got her thinking could be the real reason or problem for the loss of her husband’s affection. These changes were:
Strong baby smell on her all through the day.
2. Not dressing the way she used to do before marriage came etc.
Being the vocal person i know her to be, she told her cousin point blank that a lot of the problem could be coming from her and not the husband. The cousin was shocked to hear this from her, and she went on to tell her all the changes she’d seen in her.
Sadly, a lot of married women are like this.
Some Basic Truth/Facts About Men
Truth is, men by nature are moved by what they see just like women are moved by what we hear. You can’t be in a maternity/night gown all day just because you are baby sitting.
Returning from work, your husband hopes to get a hug from his beautiful and good looking wife with a nice scent coming from the perfume she must have sprayed on her. But when his wife appears to be in the opposite, honestly, he would loose the interest to even hug her immediately he gets back to the house or may be forced to pretend to hug and kiss her just to ”fulfill all righteousness” seeing you in that rough and not-appealing manner i.e, with the baby’s smell or your unkept look etc.
Men want to look at their wives and think that they’re hot. They want that feeling like they can’t wait to get home at night to be with their wives. And men know that there are things that women can do to make them feel that way, regardless of how they compare to the magazine cover models.
Therefore, sometimes it would be appropriate for women to take a critical look at themselves to be sure they aren’t defaulting or be the reason for the sudden lack of affection from their husbands immediately after the birth of a child.
Once, I’ve heard a married lady who said she can’t be wearing all those ‘‘raunchy things” she used to wear before she got married and that the African culture means covering up totally, really? While in need of a husband you wore all those ”raunchy things” and got one but during marriage you’ve suddenly seen no reason to that anymore.
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I pitied her for her ignorance because what attracted her husband to her would still attract him to another lady who puts on same thing except and unless he has self control and respects his marriage. These days most men in the 21st century lack self control.
One thing i have come to understand about life especially in a a relationship is that, when you tell a lie to get something, you need a bigger lie to keep and preserve it.
I perceived her to be a hypocrite but since the discussion didn’t concern me, I had to keep quiet and listen to her and her friends from a distance. When she gets pregnant and gives birth, if care isn’t taken properly, she may probably need to battle for her husband’s affection and love again, yes allover again….
Feeling neglected by husband? Points to note on how to attract husband’s affection after child birth.
As you may know, it was just the both you and it was so simple showing each other love and affection before the arrival of your baby. You played around, kissed everywhere and at every opportunity, you were quick to tell each other I love you, wore all those sexy clothes and most times got naked around the home or with just a thong and shirt.
But with the arrival of that bundle of joy, everything seemed to change, your man became distant and sometimes never at home. You could get his attention back with the following tips.
1. Don’t demand or be aggressive with him about the situation but ask nicely and let him know how you feel.
2. Weight increase after birth is normal but one should know that registering at the gym or taking a weight loss exercise/program should be the next thing on a lady’s mind when she is fit and strong enough to exercise and work out the body.
3. Having baby smell on you is also normal especially when you do not have a nanny to baby sit your infant child, but there is also the need to reduce it to the lowest standard and even totally eradicate it. Women should change clothes regularly especially whenever a spill occurs while trying to attend to the child’s needs.
4. Also, get a washing machine that would take care of the constant washing of clothes.
5. Bring back your sexiness. That sight he used to love when your were dating, get it back. There is no negotiation for this. Wear those clothes you used to put on before marriage. Night gowns are meant to be worn at nights to bed and not during the day. Child birth doesn’t mean you should stop looking good the way you used to be before tying the knot. Why pay your entire attention to your newly born alone? You should also in as much as possible try to look good for your husband and for yourself. This is one problem especially with Nigerian women who think after birth they do not need to look good again. Most have lost their husbands affection to activities of ”the side chicks” who are ever ready to get hold of these-these married men and take their attention.
6. Wear good perfume.
7. Don’t try to compete with those skinny women who are not or never have been pregnant. Find your own sexiness and be confident. Your husband will be attracted to your confidence.
8. Don’t go from being a wife to your husband’s kid’s mom.
9. Keep him close as you can (but not as a stalker).
To wrap up this article, therefore, women should note that many men are not attracted to their wives during and after pregnancy for a host of reasons.
So therefore,
- There is the need for couples to always work it out together when such problem comes up and try getting their minds and emotions right.
- Marriage takes a great deal and amount of patience, understanding, maturity, work and lots of efforts to keep the engine running because problems as little as one may see or view them can snowball into something big and difficult to control sometimes afterwards.
- Men/husbands should also take note that the body of a woman is subject to changes during pregnancy and after birth, therefore, husbands should always make their wives feel good in these periods. Using positive words to describe their wives looks would just be right.
Watch related video below:
This article was written by the NAIJ.com partner blogger Brenda.
Brenda is a lifestyle, health and inspiration blogger.
She is the owner of www.brendascouch.com
Follow her on Bloglovin , Instagram and T
Email: brendascouch@gmail.com , admin@brendascouch.com
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the editorial policy of Naij.com.
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