What about the children, indeed.

We went to the Justin Bieber Purpose World Tour last night and had so many feelings. Here are some observations and thoughts, in no particular order.

IT US.

Emma Tyler

1. He likes ninjas, enough that he made his dancers dress up and ninja dance while he was singing from inside a cage. Yes, this actually happened.
2. He is actually a very good singer and has the voice of a baby angel.
3. He's an even better dancer, and can expertly execute moves while looking perfectly miserable.
4. He cannot do those two things at the same time.
5. Which is totally fair. Have you tried? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
6. He likes extremely literal metaphors, like walking on a treadmill while saying the word "treadmill."
7. He's dead behind the eyes. Like a fast moving and murderous shark.

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8. He designed a portion of his show around what appears to be the couch from Central Perk.
9. He's supposed to sing three acoustic songs on said couch, but he may forget one or two of them.
10. One of the songs he might forget is his number one hit song "Love Yourself."
11. That might require his show handlers to remind him that he forgot to sing it and bring him and the couch back on stage. This happened at the show we were at, and crew members were forced to retrieve the couch and the guitar for Bieber so that he could complete his acoustic set.
12. His fans do not fucking care.
13. He really loves moving up and down on hydraulic risers. It seems to be a loose Jesus/second coming metaphor.
14. He's really good at playing the drums, and took a ten minute break mid-set to perform a drum solo.
15. There's a 75 - 90 percent chance he forces all of his lovers to listen to a 20 minute drum solo post-coitus.
16. There's also a 75 percent chance that Justin Bieber learned how to play acoustic guitar from watching his dad, "human chain wallet" Jeremy Bieber play at the local Battle of the Bands.
17. This might be why Selena Gomez broke up with him. We're just speculating, of course.

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