Tales from the coffeeshop: Why was someone ignorant of firefighting appointed its leader?

WE HAVE entered the slow season for news as all the great and the good have gone on holiday. The main news story, as I write this, is that it is extremely hot, just in case there might be someone in Kyproulla who has not noticed that a new heatwave has arrived.

Even Prezniktwo has drastically scaled down his public appearances in the last couple of weeks. Whereas he would normally make a minimum of two public appearances a day, the number is now down to zero.

I am certain his stepping out of the limelight is not because he has run out of things to say as his supply of hot air is inexhaustible, nor is it because of the heat. Fewer events are held in August anyway, but there is a sneaking suspicion that after the killer fires he has decided to lay low.

With so many angry people about (he must know about the abuse directed at him on social media), he would not be guaranteed the warm welcomes he has come to expect when appearing in public.

Worse still, he may be asked an awkward question by the hacks who cover his public appearances about whether he had sent the coordinator of firefighting to Australia in the month when the risk of fire is at its highest.

THE ABSENCE during the fires of the coordinator, who is the permanent secretary of the agriculture ministry Andreas Gregoriou, became a big issue last week as it was raised at the parliamentary committees.

Deputies wanted to know who had given him clearance to go to Australia and represent the president at the events held by the expat community to mark the anniversaries of the coup and Turkish invasion.

Agriculture Minister Maria Panayiotou and Gregoriou gave some majestically unconvincing answers designed to give the impression that the Prez knew nothing about Gregoriou’s trip. According to them, the prez had no say and no knowledge of who would represent him at the events Down Under and lay wreaths on his behalf.

Panayiotou said Gregoriou expressed an interest in going to Australia, while the perm sec claimed he went to Australia as head of the ‘Presidency Directorate;’ thanks to his position he decided to go, he said.

And he did not inform the Prez, out of courtesy, that the head of the ‘Presidency Directorate’ would be out of the country for a couple of weeks, because he had personally decided to represent the Prez, without consulting him, at the invasion anniversary events Down Under.

THE CHILDISHNESS of this government is astonishing. Panayiotou and Gregoriou went to the legislature to cover up for their goody-two-shoes classmate, who cannot handle being told off for naughtiness, with a version of events that could only have been thought up by a not very smart 10-year-old.

None of the deputies believed that Gregoriou chose to go to Oz of his own volition without getting the approval of prez he would represent just because he fancied a visit Down Under at the taxpayer’s expense.

Another version of events doing the rounds, much more plausible than the children’s version, was that Gregoriou had gone to the Prez and pleaded with him to go to Oz. The kindly Prez gave his go-ahead, not knowing a huge fire would break out in the perm sec’s absence.

Understandably, he did not want to be vilified for his kindness, which is why we were told that Gregoriou went to Oz incognito – not even informing the prez.

ANOTHER excuse used by Gregoriou and Panayiotou was that Gregoriou did not exercise “operational command” in fires as this was the job of the fire service chief and the director of the department of forests.

There was a council of ministers decision in April 2023 making him coordinator for fire prevention and response, but Gregoriou told deputies that he was not responsible for firefighting operations.

The title of coordinator for firefighting operations, given to him by the cabinet, was just a title that allowed him to go on taxpayer-funded trips to faraway lands during the peak fire season.

THE IRONY is that even if Gregoriou was in Kyproulla during the fires, he would not have had a clue what to do. This was revealed by retired fire service chief Markos Trangolas, who said “he did not have the necessary experience or background.”

His absence, in fact was a blessing in disguise. “Fortunately, he was not present, because he would have faced many difficulties,” said Trangolas, diplomatically suggesting that Gregoriou was clueless about firefighting.

Why was someone clueless about fires, by his own admission and that of others, given the authority to “undertake the immediate activation of the firefighting mechanisms that exist” to “mobilise aircraft” and have “general command regarding the dispersal, movement and deployment of forces”?

Perhaps Gregoriou took the title of coordinator of firefighting operations by his own initiative, without informing the Prez, just because he fancied it, like the trip to Oz. Do not be surprised if the government spokesman informs us that the Prez was unaware that he had appointed someone ignorant about firefighting as his firefighting leader.

STATE broadcaster CyBC made sure it reported at least one item of news that portrayed the Prez in a positive light.

All day Wednesday on the radio news it ran the story about the American experts who would be arriving in Kyproulla “after a request by President Nikos Christodoulides” to investigate the cause of Limassol fire. And all day Thursday it ran the story that the American experts who were in Kyproulla “after the request by President….” had started work. 

Why did we have to know that the prez asked for the arrival of the experts? Why were we not told that the Yanks came at the request of the government? Because the communique issued by the presidential palace, which dictates how the news is presented by CyBC, said that the Yanks came after the request of our wise leader.

IF THE PREZ had heard last Sunday’s sermon by the crackpot bishop of Morphou, Neophytos, in Pedhoulas, he would not have asked for the American experts (above) to be sent to establish the cause of the fires.

The bishop not only revealed the cause of the catastrophic fires, he also explained how these could be prevented in the future. The distancing of people from the cross of Christ was what led us to catastrophes like the Limassol fires, he said.

“The fires are caused by the envy of Satan, because he cannot stand the beauty of Creation,” said Neophytos. “The biggest power in the world that discards the envy of Satan is the power of the Holy and Life-giving Cross.”

And there was proof of the firefighting capacity of the Cross. “In the end, the fire reached the Holy Cross of Omodos and went out,” he said.

ΤΗΕ BANKS of Kyproulla could be turned into a workers’ cooperative if the bank employees union Etyk has its way. On Friday, Etyk issued a statement laying bare its demand to turn the banks into communist organisations in which the workers would take a big share of the profit.

The union is currently in negotiations with the Bankers Association for the renewal of the collective agreements but it appears its super-boss Loizos Hadjicostis is demanding way too much and the talks have ground to a standstill.

In its announcement, Etyk mentioned the “super profits” of the banks, the “outlandish bonuses” paid to executives, the big dividends paid to shareholders and the soaring price of bank shares, before concluding: “It is logical for a small percentage of the profits, 15-20 per cent, to be channelled to employees.”

We could soon have the first communist banks of the capitalist world.