“I am sickened”: Widow opens up after getting cruel text from husband’s friend on his funeral day
After losing her husband to alcoholism, Annie Parker hoped for space to grieve. Instead, she was blindsided by a cruel message from one of his friends, alongside a flood of misplaced blame. In a viral Instagram post, Parker opened up about the stigma and shame often placed on the partners of alcoholics, sharing her story to raise awareness and build support for others navigating addiction and loss.
The vulnerable June 20, 2025, Instagram post has over 500 comments and sparked a conversation about bthe lame put upon the spouses of alcoholics. Parker’s story resonated with social media users who empathized with the content creator. Many asserted that those who lose loved ones to alcoholism are often burdened by shame and societal misunderstanding, even as they undergo immense grief and hardship.
Parker, a mother of two, divorced from her late husband Chris in 2020, wrote, “Family and friends of alcoholics are HARSH. They know what’s going on, don’t help, and then lash out at the spouse as if we had a magical wand to cure alcoholism and just didn’t wave it.”
Blamed for his alcoholism, even in death
The text message came on the day of Parker’s husband’s funeral. Her husband’s friend Caleb wrote, "I know I'm asking tough questions, but my friend is dead and there's this whole secret life that was going on that I just want to understand...I know it's tough right now, but I'm just so confused. There are people in this world that can deal with reality and don't put up a facade that they have a perfect life...I am very sickened."
Parker said she was “shocked” by the hurtful message. She wrote, “In less than 24 hours after my husband’s death, I was learning the hard truths about alcoholism and what end of life for him meant about the way I was going to be treated by his family, his friends, and society.”
Commenters replied that it’s easy to judge a difficult situation when you haven’t lived it. Many offered words of support and understanding.
“‘Clueless and projecting their own guilt onto the easiest target’ 100%.”
“As an alcoholic wife, mother, daughter and friend. I hurt for you. You could’ve never saved Chris When the disease of alcoholism reaches a point of no return. We are beyond human aid. I see you! I’m so sorry.”
“I stand with you. His family blamed me. ???????????? Al-anon saved my life.
Addicts suffer, and so do their families. Both need and deserve support.
Societal misconceptions of alcoholism breed pervasive stigma against addicts and their family members.
A 2023 study of women living with spouses struggling with alcohol use disorder found that the women internalized societal messaging that resulted in feelings of guilt, shame, and exclusion, and in some cases, strength. According to the paper, society's ideas of women's gender-related caretaking role are reflected in attitudes toward people experiencing spousal alcoholism:
“Women who live with a spouse with AUD are affected by their spouses' behavior and experience high levels of mental stress.” The women are viewed as problem-solvers and rescuers, but are also accused of acting as enablers and “codependents.”
Parker hopes her story and advocacy can support and educate others facing the same challenges. “We can support one another and encourage one another, but we cannot save each other,” she said. “We can only save ourselves and, in many cases, we are forced to save our children from their sick parent."
If you or your loved one are struggling with drug or alcohol addiction and need help, the staff at Recovery Centers of America is here to help. Call 1-844-5-RCA-NOW (844-722-2669) today.
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