“They’re happy to keep things surface level”: 19 millennials who feel their parents don’t really know them
Millennials started sharing stories about how their parents don't truly know them as people when prompted in a Reddit thread. On the subreddit r/Millennials, one Redditor posted a screenshot of a tweet that hit a little too hard with this generation.
"Our parents really don't know us," said X user @Misfitdree. "Sad part is they're convinced they do."
"Any other millennials feel this a bit too hard?" asked u/Flashy_Present_8488.
Although some do have good relationships with their parents, far too many others do indeed feel this. Most millennials have parents from the Baby Boomer generation, which has a reputation for being a wee bit self-involved.
They also weren't generally raised to appreciate genuine emotional expression, especially when it comes to sadness and other signs of vulnerability. As a result, it would seem, a lot of their kids thought they had to present their parents with a persona, hiding their real selves.
More tragic were the cases of Boomer parents who put no real effort into getting to know their kids. Somehow, despite all evidence, many of them are convinced that they know their children better than they know themselves.
The consequences include these 19 Reddit commenters with stories and feelings about how their parents don't know them much at all.
1. Surface-level relationships
"I don't think my parents actually want to really know me. They're pretty happy just keeping things surface level." —u/1radgirl
2. A neglected filmmaker
"I made a feature film, and neither of my parents asked anything much about it or asked to see it. If my kid made a film, I would be over the moon excited to see it… It's so crazy our parents don't care at all except me showing up for Easter and sitting there." —u/HunterRose05
3. Never really thinking about your kid
"I was finishing up washing some pots and pans when I got a call from my mom. 'Sorry for the noise, ma, I'm just putting some pans in the dish rack.' ' Oh wooooow, you're becoming quite the little chef!' 'I'm 39 and live alone, Mom, what do you think I do for food?' 'Oh… I guess I never thought about it.'" —u/burntbeanwater
4. 22 years of black boots
"My mother recently took notice of my boots and commented on them. 'Doc Martens?! Wow, that's unexpected. I would never think black boots like that to be your style.'"
"I've been exclusively wearing black combat boots/docs as my footwear of choice since I turned 14. I'm about to turn 36." —u/ohdatpoodle
5. Know thyself
"When I was like 10 or 11, my mom told me she knows me better than I know myself. That's when I realized she doesn't know me at all." —u/530TooHot
6. Hidden selves
"They showed us as youngsters that being us wasn't acceptable. So we hid us. As we became adults and left home, we let ourselves out. Our parents are convinced this new version of us is the fake.
It hit me one day really hard when I realized I know so many stories about my parents' childhoods, but my parents only know the stories when we were together. Which, as a latch key double income household, was weekends and evenings." —u/MrsTurnPage
7. So many owls
"Every gift I've ever gotten from family members for the last 20 years is owl-themed because when I was 12, I had an (undiagnosed) ADHD-fueled obsession with them and that's literally the only thing they seem to remember about me.
I've given specific lists of things that I want or need for my birthday or Christmas or wedding, but nope. Owls." —u/The-Hive-Queen
8. Favorite food
"My favorite food since I was five has been mac and cheese, like I have a distinct memory of being eight and my aunt telling me there will be mac and cheese there to convince me to go.
My father tried to make a big deal about how they had made my favorite food during Christmas as proof of how much they care during reconciliation therapy. They made Shepard pie." —u/SandiegoJack
9. Reaching out
"I stopped reaching out to family first and waited to see how long it would take anyone to reach out to me first. Outside of family group video chats for major holidays and the birthday of the only child in my family, it was over 8 months before anyone called me, and that was only because my mother wanted something from me.
I was fully blamed for not calling anyone and accused of not wanting anything to do with the family anymore, too. It was a rather depressing experiment, but the results didn’t surprise me at all." —u/StarintheShadows
10. Happy faces only
"Only to the point of crushing any dreams and ambitions, and not enough to actually understand where I'm coming from. If it isn't all sunshine and puppy dogs, then I'm just being a burden and weak, doesn't matter if my chronic pain has drastically changed my life, I'm just a lazy, good-for-nothing 'dumba** kid.'" —u/TillaciousG
11. Shocking revelations
"My parents were openly shocked when I came out as gay. They never saw it coming, but always bragged about how close we were and how they knew me better than anyone else." —u/killey2011
12. Tell her what she knows
"I had a really sad and sudden realization of how little my mom thought of me. She was telling me what it's like as a woman in the military. I am a veteran with over a decade of service. When I told her my reality as a woman veteran, she said, 'That's not what they said on the news.'" —u/justLittleJess
13. Not that hard to remember
"I’ve been in the same industry for almost 15 years and my parents still have no idea what I do (I'm an event producer)." —u/fuckYOUswan
14. Sports and weather only
"My dad is stuck in the '60s mentality. Any time I try to talk to him, his advice is so outdated it’s laughable. We stick to sports/weather now." —u/Hot_Astronaut6027
15. Non-stop talking
"I can't have a real conversation with mine because she always talks at you, then when you finally ninja a word in she's just waiting to go okay but and talk about herself."
"I've timed it and one time she went 50 minutes talking at everyone and nobody actually listened and had their own conversations at the restaurant." —u/hanaboushi
16. Disgusted
"I used to try and talk to them about my life and interests and stuff, but they always reacted with something that felt like vague disgust, so not anymore." —u/someboringlady
17. Just because you do it doesn't mean you love it
"Parents definitely still see me as a kid. I was jokingly telling my Mom how I hate math, and now I do it all day at work. And she looks at me and says, 'What? You love math.' Apparently, she forgot about how much of my school years I spent grounded because my math and English scores were s*** since I just didn’t do the homework or essays." —u/Biggapotamus
18. Who asked for ribbons?
"They gave me so many ribbons! Now they make fun of me, saying I need a ribbon for everything." —u/TLiones
19. As long as you don't need money
"I've never really felt like my parents were interested in who I really am as a person. They show next to no interest in my art, writing, political opinions, or identity. Mostly, what it seems like is they just want to make sure I'm not so fucked up that I will end up needing money. Apart from that, at times it seems like I'm just there to play a minor role." —u/DiscotopiaACNH
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