Harriette Cole: My daughters have stopped speaking because of a stupid joke

DEAR HARRIETTE: As parents, I’m sure most of us have experienced a squabble or disagreement between our kids. I definitely have, but they’re usually short-lived.

Currently, two of my girls aren’t speaking and haven’t been for a few months.

This all started because my older daughter made a joke about me owing her back pay because my younger daughter’s college tuition was more expensive than hers. My younger daughter, who is usually quite docile, blew up at the comment. She called her older sister ungrateful, rude and spoiled. They argued like I’ve never seen before, and they haven’t spoken since.

I tried talking to my younger daughter about it, but she won’t apologize. I don’t think her sentiments were wrong; the joke was in poor taste.

I think as a family we should never be so hostile toward each other. How do I get my girls back on track?

— Family Disagreement

DEAR FAMILY DISAGREEMENT: Rather than continuing to fish for apologies, look for a way forward. It can start by you bringing the two of them together to address the topic that sparked it all.

State that you have cared for each of your daughters to the best of your ability and individually based on their needs. It pains you to see that there would be any jealousy or envy sparked by how you provided for their education — or anything else, for that matter.

Tell them that family must come first. Yes, there will be arguments and disagreements, just as they recently had. That’s life. But family should be more valuable than any squabble.

Ask them to forgive each other for any hurtful words or actions and to commit to reclaiming their sisterhood. Sometimes you just have to let go of the past. Invite them to do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an employee who’s been with me for nearly eight years. I’m a small business owner, so eight years is about as good as being family.

She has always been a great contributor, but lately things have changed. Her work is often incomplete or submitted late. It is rare that she arrives on time anymore. She often steps away to take personal calls, and extended lunches are her new normal.

Based on our history, I can’t allow myself to think that she’s become an awful worker overnight. It seems so unlikely.

I’ve tried having various stern but caring conversations with her. I’ve invited her to be open with me so that I can help accommodate whatever workplace changes she may need at the moment, but she insists that everything is fine and that she’ll do better. I want to be able to help, but it feels inappropriate to pry.

At this point, her performance is affecting the bigger picture, and I may need to let her go, but I’d really hate to do that to someone who has been such a big help over the years. What would you do?

— Concerned Employer

DEAR CONCERNED EMPLOYER: Sit her down and tell her that her inconsistent and progressively unprofessional job performance is negatively impacting her future. Remind her that you have spoken to her on several occasions about your observations, but she hasn’t improved.

Ask again if something is wrong and if you can help. Let her know that if she doesn’t return to her previous level of professionalism, she will lose her job.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.