How to talk about grief, loss with children following deadly Central Texas floods
AUSTIN (KXAN) -- In the aftermath of catastrophic floods in Central Texas over Independence Day weekend, some mental health professionals said they are inundated with requests from families seeking services and guidance.
Megan Butler, a licensed professional counselor with Lucero, said she has received calls from her clients, but also from school districts and other organizations. With at least 30 children among the more than 100 people who have died, they are helping their kids navigate grief, loss and confusion that comes from losing a friend or classmate, or from hearing about this kind of disaster.
Butler urged parents to begin any conversation with their kids by validating their feelings and then following up with care.
"We just always want to start by saying, 'Whatever you're feeling, it's okay.' Right? 'There's no bad feelings. It's okay if you're sad, if you're angry, if you're confused, if you're scared -- whatever you feel is okay,'" she said. "So you know your kid best, and you know what might help your kid feel more comfortable."
For example, "connecting activities," such as walking together, playing basketball, and swinging on a swing are "just as important" as conversations, she said.
When asked whether a parent should be proactive about bringing up the topic with their child, Butler said it depends on the child themselves -- and whether or not they were directly impacted or lost someone they knew personally.
"If we don't know that they had a direct loss, wait for the child to bring it up. We don't need to remind them of traumatic issues. But if they're -- if they're showing signs of maybe reenacting it or thinking about it? Absolutely, you can see what's on their mind."
With so much of the devastation in Kerr County affecting Camp Mystic kids and counselors, Butler said she and other professionals are working with several families who are struggling with the decision to send their kids to summer camp in the remaining weeks of summer.
"There's a lot of fear and anxiety -- that's completely expected. So, what we do is create a cope-ahead plan. We say, 'If you're feeling this way at camp, what can you do at camp to try to feel better?' We might make a care-kit. We might connect with some of the camp counselors and let them know they've been impacted," she said.
Butler said she has spent a long time immersed in how to process grief -- teaching a grief class at the University of Texas Austin School of Social Work. She emphasized the fact that grief and mourning is not linear.
"So, you can go through different stages. Just be prepared for the long term," she said. "Three months out, six months out, a year out -- they may be processing things for the first time. So, just go at their own pace."
She urged parents to prepare for regression, as well as outbursts, tears, anger and panic attacks -- and encouraged them to lean into whatever comforting routine works best to soothe their child.
"Sometimes that's physical touch, sometimes that's sharing a crunchy snack, sometimes that's just taking a walk outside," she said, also noting how routines and small check-in's can be helpful. "You know your child, and so we're really asking the parents and caregivers to pump up that TLC right now and be really consistent."
Butler explained the community is trying to get connected and organized in order to support Central Texas in the long-term, too.
"We're all just figuring out how we can help support each other and not duplicate services," she said.