Miss Manners: Maybe she’d rather play a guessing game about her weight
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, my family went out to lunch, 15 total in our group. My niece and her husband said they were picking up the tab.
After lunch, the bill came, and my niece asked everyone to guess how much the lunch was. Her husband was appalled, as was I. I tried telling her it was rude to ask everyone to guess how much the bill was. To me it’s like saying, “See how much money we have.”
My niece said it was just a game. I told her game or not, it’s not OK; it’s rude.
Should my niece ask guests to guess the cost of the bill? Her husband said she always does this, and he’s embarrassed by it, but she won’t stop.
GENTLE READER: It is, Miss Manners assures you, rude to ask guests to guess how much gratitude they owe their hosts. And it certainly takes all of the graciousness out of the gesture.
If your niece enjoys guessing games so much, however, perhaps you can suggest that next time she tries to play, her husband say, “Ooooh fun! Now can we guess how much you weigh?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a divorced woman. An acquaintance who is a married man “waved” to me on social media.
How do I interpret this? Might it be an innocent hello, or is he inviting me to an online flirting relationship? Is it rude not to respond? I have no interest in flirting with a married man.
GENTLE READER: Then don’t …?
While Miss Manners may not be well-versed on the secret codes of social media flirtation, she is certain that if it is not acceptable to do in real life (or IRL, as the young people call it), then it should not be replicated with icons.
A wave, therefore, seems perfectly innocuous. But of course, if its reciprocation is met with images of more suggestive body parts or items of produce, it can and should be shut down by the enemy of all things internet: silence.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there rules for behavior of mourners attending a wake/viewing/reception prior to a funeral?
Twice now, I have stood in long, slow-moving lines to express my condolences to the grieving family and found lengthy delays due to extended conversations (sometimes with weeping) that those in front of me have with the bereaved spouse/parent/child. One line did not move forward for 20 minutes, as the mourner and spouse shared extensive memories of the deceased.
Some of us who are older have trouble standing for long periods of time, while others in line may not enjoy being stuck next to the body when the casket is open. It would seem the duty of the funeral home attendants to move the line along, but if that doesn’t happen, what should one do if waiting becomes burdensome? Is it ever appropriate to interrupt?
GENTLE READER: While much of your reasoning is valid, Miss Manners finds it unseemly to chastise mourners for not speeding up the process. Or for weeping.
Funeral attendants, however, may not feel so moved. Seek one out to ask if there are chairs to use while the crowd thins. Or track down a less pivotal family member and ask them to forward condolences on your behalf.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.