Miss Manners: Here’s what to say when they ask about your home life

State the truth in its blandest form. Repeat as necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am dating a very nice man I have known since high school. We have been officially dating for two years and the relationship is going very well.

As we are both over a certain age, many of our close friends ask why we don’t live together. I don’t think they are being nosy, it just seems to be “the thing to do,” and they are wondering why we haven’t followed suit like other couples.

We are perfectly happy living separately; I have expressed this. I have teens, and, although I am divorced, I don’t believe in living together without a marital commitment. This is just my way.

I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, but after two years of explaining this to people, I’m tired of repeating myself. Is there any way to just politely end this line of questioning?

GENTLE READER: Do you really not consider this a nosy question? People often wonder about other people’s private lives, but Miss Manners does not consider this an excuse for prying.

You are not required to satisfy this curiosity. The response to why you do not live together is because you live in separate homes. Repeat as often as necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are a part of three different families, due to his parents divorcing and remarrying other people. We have two kids.

We end up receiving so many Christmas presents that it ends up feeling more like a burden of stuff to deal with than a blessing. I’ve dropped hints about this to the grandparents in the past, and tried to impose a gift limit. They have cut back a little, but every year, there’s still too much stuff.

We come home with so much that it takes more than one trip to fit it all in the back of our SUV. I end up with a huge pile of gifts to deal with that takes up a whole room, and the kids don’t even play with everything due to the onslaught of plastic. I feel like I’m drowning in stuff.

It almost feels like these three sides of the family are competing against each other in some ways. One grandmother asks my kids what the other ones gave, and another grandma asks them what gift was their favorite this year, etc.

I’ve read that for some people, their love language is gift-giving. I suspect this may be at play here. It’s also way easier to buy something than to put in the effort to come visit us and take our kids out for a fun activity — we live two hours away — but I’d much prefer the latter. I even included it as an idea for a gift once, but no grandparents took the hint.

I know that our parents won’t be around forever, and the kids will eventually grow up and this won’t be an issue. Is it rude to try and get them to give less stuff and more of their time by taking the kids to do something fun?

GENTLE READER: Would it work? Not from the evidence that you supply.

Miss Manners suggests that in addition to becoming a donor to charities for children — with a lesson for your children, when they select what to give — you take the lead in arranging such excursions, as a treat for grandparents.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.