Harriette Cole: I can’t deal with my friend’s scary posts anymore

Would it be wrong for me to cut all ties while she's struggling?

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has been struggling with her mental health for years. She’s been very public about her struggles on social media.

One recent post was particularly distressing because it seemed to be a suicide note. Her family even called the police to her apartment for a welfare check, fearing that she may have ended her life. She ended up being OK, but the way she scared all of us was confusing and painful.

I don’t understand the constant postings about her suicidal thoughts on social media. I am not even sure if she’s getting the help that she so desperately needs, but the distressing updates never seem to stop.

Would it be wrong to cut off all communication with her? I cannot handle the worry and stress of being friends with someone who is so troubled and shows no sign of getting better.

Troubling Posts

DEAR TROUBLING POSTS: You must take care of yourself, even as you care about your friend.

Some people do use social media for public venting, and, as you and her family are experiencing, it can feel like a rollercoaster to loved ones. It can also seem like the boy who cried wolf when there are many disturbing incidents that end up unclear. You do not have to fall victim to your friend’s fragility.

Instead, you can stop engaging with her social media posts and let her know that that is your intention. Tell your friend that if she wants to communicate with you about anything, she should please do so directly. Make it clear that you aren’t just talking about extreme circumstances. Be loving and intentional as you let her know how you want to communicate with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am single again after being with one person since I was 18. I am in my 30s now.

My ex-partner was my closest friend — and at times my only friend. I’m not sure how to function as an adult without them. I am trying to take things day by day, but the thought of moving on just seems impossible right now.

How can I navigate my way through my new reality without them?

Single Again

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: You have spent about half of your life with one person. It is natural that you would be out of sorts now that you are alone. It will take time for you to discover who you are and what you like as a single person.

Think of this moment as a time for personal exploration. Do your best to have fun with your newfound independence. Organize your life so that you have things to do. Look in your local newspaper and online to find fun activities and adventures you can tackle solo. Get out and explore your world with fresh eyes. Invite others to join you; consider a co-worker, neighbor or member of your church. You don’t have to be close.

Also consider going to a therapist to talk through your life and help support you at this time of transition. Your life has changed dramatically. Get all the help you can to help clear the path to your future.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.