Harriette Cole: He unintentionally gave me proof he had cheated on me
I don't see that any good can come of speaking with him further.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my ex-boyfriend from college recently at an informal school reunion.
It was awkward primarily because we had a horrible breakup. He was physically abusive to me, plus he was a cheater. I found out all of this at the end. Even after I discovered all of things he had done that were unforgivable, he still tried to get me to come back to him. It was disgusting.
When I saw him after all these years, the memories came flooding back. Then, as we chatted in a small group with other people, I learned that he has a daughter who would have been born soon after the time we were dating. I always knew he cheated, but here is living proof of all the lies he told me.
He tried to create a way for us to get together to talk more as this event was ending. I stepped away.
I don’t see how any good can come of us rehashing the past. He seemed eager to make amends. Should I make time to meet with him?
Blast From the Past
DEAR BLAST FROM THE PAST: Do not feel required to reopen that door. Clearly, you were hurt deeply by this man’s behavior. You have no obligation to revisit the pain of your past.
It is good that this man wants to make amends, but you do not have to allow him to force his confessional on you. Hopefully you did not share your contact information with him.
If he finds you on social media, you can either block him or respond and tell him that you are not interested in engaging with him in any way, either now or in the future. And leave it at that. He does not deserve your embrace.
DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my friends are doing better than me. I had a child when I was very young and had to stop going to college for a few years.
Eventually, I went back and got my degree and have a decent career, but my friends are doing amazing. They are all professionals making the big bucks. Some are married, and some have kids. All of them are thriving. Me, I’m barely scraping by.
My son is doing amazing. He is much older than my friends’ kids. I put my everything into him, and I am so proud — but when it comes to me, I’m a work in progress.
How do I get together with them and talk about my life without seeming like a failure?
Missing the Mark
DEAR MISSING THE MARK: Stop comparing yourself to others. Everybody makes choices, including you. You are living by your choices today, and that’s fine.
If you were to look deeply into your friends’ lives, you would be guaranteed to find a range of experiences, complications, triumphs and tragedies. That’s life.
You may not have as much money as some of these people, but you have other things. Start counting your blessings. What are you grateful for? What brings you joy? Focus on those things now and when you are in your friends’ company.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.