Harriette Cole: I don’t want to visit my mopey, bickering parents

Plus: Is an accountant an extravagance for a low-income person like me?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have become very unpleasant in their old age.

I try to visit them as often as I can, but their attitudes these past few visits have made them increasingly harder to be around. I stayed with them for only five days, and on the third day, they were bickering and moping.

I feel terrible for not wanting to spend as much time around them, but I really can’t stand the negativity. How do I deal with this?

Unpleasant Parents

DEAR UNPLEASANT PARENTS: Is it possible for you to visit with them but stay at a nearby hotel? Sometimes it is helpful to keep some distance between you and your parents. In that way, you may be able to visit longer without being overwhelmed.

Because their behavior has changed, you should do some sleuthing. What is going on with them as a couple and with them individually? Are there health concerns of which you are unaware? Are they suffering any mental degeneration? Are they forgetful? How clean is their home? Are they able to manage independently? Sometimes when older people’s behavior changes dramatically, it is the result of aging and not necessarily understanding what’s happening to them. If you can take them for physical examinations while you are with them, that would help you to discover any underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Don’t give up on them or visit them less. Find a way to be with them strategically so that your peace of mind is intact and you can learn what they need. More activities and interaction with others could help them. Perhaps they can join a senior center or community group where they interact with peers around social and civic activities. The change in pace may help with their attitudes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been good at reconciling my finances at the end of the year. I have struggled with doing my taxes, and usually I get them done, but not without hours of anguish and worry that I am doing them wrong.

I do not make a lot of money, so I never got an accountant, but I’m wondering if I should. I’m embarrassed by my low finances, but I don’t want to miss out on tax breaks and other things that I could benefit from if a professional helped me out.

Do you think it’s OK to get help, even if my income is low?

Need Tax Help

DEAR NEED TAX HELP: Yes! No matter what your income, you can definitely reach out for help in preparing your taxes. There are some free tax prep services that provide forms that can make it easy for you to fill out the information by following the prompts. There are also affordable tax services that can file for you.

What’s important for you to know is that you must gather all of your receipts, bank statements, pay stubs, etc. Have them as well-organized as possible so that when you meet with a tax preparer, you have your papers in order.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.