Harriette Cole: It’s hard to go to work because of how my boss behaves toward me
Plus: I'm sensing that my partner resents how much I work, but I'm not going to cut back.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my boss doesn’t actually like me despite putting on a friendly face in public. They always seem to be on edge around me.
It’s difficult to gauge their reaction when I make suggestions or tell them about work I’ve done, as it almost feels like they are trying to ignore me or shut down any input I give.
As hard as I try to prove myself and do my best, the situation does not seem to get any better.
This makes me feel pretty awful about coming to work and has caused a lot of self-doubt over the past few months.
Despite this, I can’t help but think that if I try one more time, then maybe something will change between us. Is there anything else that I can do?
Dismissive Boss
DEAR DISMISSIVE BOSS: Try the direct approach.
Request a meeting with your boss. Be prepared with notes about things you have worked on and accomplished during your tenure thus far. Tell your boss that you are working hard to do a good job and you believe you have made strides to fulfill the various tasks they have asked of you, but you remain unsure as to how you are doing because you haven’t been given any indication of your value.
Ask if your boss thinks you are doing a good job. Ask about specific tasks that you have been assigned. Point out how you completed them and inquire as to whether your boss was satisfied with your work. Listen closely to learn your boss’s feelings about you and the job you are doing.
It is possible that your boss is not one for compliments. They may believe that if you complete your assignments, that means you are doing your job, and it is not necessarily a reason to be celebrated — it’s just a fact.
If your boss is not a cheerleader by nature, they may never become one. You may need to ask them to provide you with feedback when you complete projects so that you can ascertain whether you are on track or not.
As far as self-esteem goes, you may need to build that up on your own if your boss refuses to be the cheerleader that you desire.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The relationship with my partner was progressing well, and I was thrilled that I had finally found someone who appreciated my ambition.
However, it became increasingly difficult to navigate when I noticed my partner becoming uncomfortable and seemingly offended by the amount of time I devoted to working.
I am an entrepreneur. My business is something I feel passionate about and don’t plan on giving up, but at the same time, I want our relationship to remain strong and healthy.
Should I try harder to explain my reasons for working so much, or is it better just to look for a way to balance my commitments?
Hard Worker
DEAR HARD WORKER: Start by talking to your partner about your life, your work and your relationship.
Make it clear that you appreciate them and what is budding between you. You are in “build mode” for your business. Explain that this means you have to work “start-up hours” (i.e. a lot of time) to get things up and running.
Ask for your partner’s patience as you also agree to carve out time with some regularity to spend with them. Do whatever you commit to so that they can see that you care.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.