Harriette Cole: I showed up at my wife’s ‘stressful’ job and was surprised by what I found
I don't want to hear her complaints anymore, especially after what I'm going through.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has been complaining about her job lately and insisting I could never handle the work that she does.
She’s an administrative assistant for a major company. Recently, I surprised her with lunch at work, and I was astonished at how nice the environment was. Her boss was extremely kind, and all of her co-workers were pleasant to be around. To top it off, my wife wasn’t even working at the time. She was busy scrolling through TikTok on her phone!
I know this may not be the biggest issue in the world, but I find it annoying that my wife continues to insist she’s in an impossible working situation. I work a manual labor job that causes me to have back issues. I just don’t care to hear the constant complaints anymore.
Do you have any advice on how to gently suggest she reframe her perspective and look at the positive aspects of her job?
Frustrated Husband
DEAR FRUSTRATED HUSBAND: Have a heart-to-heart with your wife. Tell her that your observation was that she works in a positive environment. Ask her why she complains constantly that she is unhappy. Hear her out. Then, suggest that she either look for another job or choose to highlight the positives in the job she has.
Don’t compare your jobs during this conversation. Your issues are different from hers. At another time, you can discuss your challenges and how best you should deal with those.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband considers himself health-conscious. He endlessly watches YouTube videos about alternative medicine and health regimens.
He does not believe in going to the doctor. He thinks that high blood pressure is a myth made up by the pharmaceutical industry to push drugs on healthy people. He refuses to believe that any of the recommendations by traditional health care officials about how to care for the body are worth considering because they are all fueled by “big pharma.”
Meanwhile, I have a series of health issues that require me to take certain medications. Whenever he notices that I am taking medicine, he criticizes me and says that I am blindly buying into “the system.”
How do I navigate this? I feel like I’m constantly being judged for how I take care of myself, while I’m also worried that my husband may drop dead from a stroke because he won’t address his high blood pressure.
Lost in Space
DEAR LOST IN SPACE: Take a deep breath and review your situation. Rather than believing that your husband is all wrong, figure out if anything he’s saying makes sense.
For example, lifestyle changes — including diet and exercise — can be more effective in promoting long-term good health than medication (for some people). That doesn’t mean you should stop taking your medicine. It does mean you could consider adding a healthy activity to your schedule that you invite your husband to participate in.
Look for bridges that can bring you two together and make you both healthier.
Do not stop taking your medication no matter what he says. Follow your doctor’s guidance. You can also ask your doctor about alternative means of addressing your concerns. Similarly, go on YouTube yourself and find some videos on dealing with high blood pressure. Recommend that your husband watch those. Perhaps it will open his eyes a bit.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.