Harriette Cole: I always take pictures, but these might get me uninvited

The hosts didn't say not to post them. Should I chance it?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a lovely party hosted by a prominent, successful couple. In the past, they have not wanted photos to be shared from their events, but this time they didn’t say anything. They even had a professional photographer there, and they allowed everyone to take pictures with their cameras and smartphones.

Now that the event is over, I want to post pictures like I always do after I have enjoyed myself. But I’m not sure if it would be appropriate to do so. I don’t want to offend my friend or get uninvited because I broke an unwritten rule. What should I do?

What Is Private?

DEAR WHAT IS PRIVATE?: Go to the source. Reach out to your friends and ask if it is OK for you to post pictures from the party.

Don’t second-guess yourself. Be sure before you post anything from this private event. If they do not respond, do not post. This can be hard to honor during the age of instant posting on social media, but it is safer to keep these images private until you get confirmation.

I recently saw photos posted from a private wedding. I am certain that guests were asked not to post about this event. The person who did so skirted around the reason for the gathering but posted a number of images anyway. Of course, anyone who knows them even peripherally immediately knew what the event was and who was there. That was a violation of the agreement. Don’t do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very busy with work and family stuff these days. An old friend asked me to have dinner with him probably six months ago. I said yes, but I haven’t been able to find time to do it. I want to see him, but my schedule is so packed, I don’t know when it can be.

He feels like I am blowing him off, but really, I am not. I am simply overbooked. Do I tell him it’s not going to happen anytime soon? Do I offer to schedule a Zoom call to catch up?

I don’t want to offend him, but I don’t see a window for getting together in the next few months.

Balancing Time

DEAR BALANCING TIME: Start by asking your friend if you can hop on a call or a Zoom to connect. Tell him you miss him and want to touch base, but you don’t want to wait until you can be face-to-face to do so. Make your invitation short and sweet without making excuses.

If he agrees to talk, use that time to check in with each other. Share what’s been going on in your life, and listen to what’s happening in his.

Again, avoid overapologizing for the realities of your life. If he presses for when you can get together, admit that you don’t know. Between work and family, you are overbooked right now. That’s why you wanted to jump on this call, to make sure he knows you care about him and to let him know you don’t have a date in mind right now for an in-person get-together.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.