Harriette Cole: How long before I need to have this talk with my kid?

I know I can't keep the adoption a secret forever.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m about to welcome a new baby into my family soon, and it’s through adoption.

I’m over-the-moon excited and ready for the challenge of being a new parent, but I’m also struggling with the difficult question of when to tell the child they’re adopted. I understand that it’s something they’ll eventually find out and something I can’t keep hidden forever, so when should I have that conversation? What would be the most appropriate age?

It’s something I take very seriously, and I don’t want to give my child the wrong information at the wrong time.

Expectant Parent

DEAR EXPECTANT PARENT: Congratulations on the next step in your new family. What a blessing it is to welcome a child into your life!

There are many opinions about how and when to tell your child that they are adopted, so I can’t give you a definitive answer. I can tell you the going wisdom. Educators believe that children have a growing sense of awareness of who they are and who others are in relation to them starting at about 4 or 5 years old. Many recommend talking about adoption at that time, when they are able to ask questions and you can provide simple answers. Others believe you start the moment you bring the child home.

One positive thing I have observed is parents who say that they had their child by choice. They chose this particular child to join their family at whatever time it was, and they are grateful for the choice that they made.

Whenever you begin this conversation, use simple language to talk about your relationship to your child. Leave complicated concepts for when they are much older. For more recommendations, go to: choosingtherapy.com/when-to-tell-a-child-they-are-adopted.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having trouble staying connected with my friends and family while living abroad. It’s not because I don’t want to, but because I’m a terrible texter, and I dread talking on the phone.

I would really appreciate any tips on how to make text conversations easier for me. Is there something I can do to help improve my messaging skills?

Bad Texter

DEAR BAD TEXTER: Who said you have to send a lot of words? Use the novelty of where you are to support your communication.

Your loved ones may never get a chance to visit where you are living, so show them through photos. As you explore your new home, take pictures. Send your loved ones texts with photos and short captions that describe where you are and what you are seeing.

They will enjoy living vicariously through you, and you will always have something to say. Include yourself in some of the images so that they see you and feel connected.

You can ask them to send photos to you as well. Invite them to share what’s going on in their world, their children, their neighborhood, their activities — really, anything you can think of! This way, it isn’t all about you. It’s a flow of communication. It may help you to be less homesick as well, in case you have those occasional moments.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.