Harriette Cole: I’m afraid her fashion choice is dangerous

In my opinion, she is trying too hard to look young.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older friend who is trying too hard to stay young. I have noticed that she wears stilettos when she goes out to events. That could be fine, except I have seen her hobbling around, nearly falling down on more than one occasion.

I think she is holding on to visions of her youth, and it is unsafe.

This woman is well into her 80s. She still looks fly, but I think she needs to rethink some of her choices so that she can remain healthy and steady, taking nothing away from her vitality.

How can I approach this with her? I don’t want to insult her or hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want to see her fall and have to deal with broken bones that could have been prevented with a dose of humility.

— No More Stilettos

DEAR NO MORE STILETTOS: Plan a get-together with your friend. Invite her to come visit with you or perhaps to meet somewhere for tea or lunch. Compliment her on whatever you find attractive about her presentation that day.

If she is wearing stilettos and walking unsteadily, tell her that you want to talk about something sensitive with her. Point out her shoes and how fabulous they are. Allow her to take in the compliment. Then add that you are worried about her balance.

Tell her how you have noticed her walking and that you worry she will fall. Recommend that she consider a lower heel or even a wedge heel that offers more stability than a stiletto.

If she is wearing a more practical shoe, applaud her for it and encourage her to wear more shoes like that. Celebrate her style and youthfulness as you also clearly point out that you want her to be safe. Your recommendation is to put the stilettos in the closet — for good.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event and saw my neighbor there. We ended up talking and spending some time together. When it was over, I asked if he was going back home. I was planning to take a car service and invited him to join me for the ride.

He agreed, which was very nice. We had a pleasant chat on the way home. He asked me repeatedly to share the cost of the ride. I already was paying for it through my account, so I said no. But I know he felt awkward about that. He has thanked me a few more times when I have seen him in the courtyard.

I had the thought to tell him if we ever find ourselves at another event together, he can foot the bill or we can split it. Should I say anything or just leave it alone?

— Pay for the Ride

DEAR PAY FOR THE RIDE: It was kind of you to share your ride home with your neighbor, and it’s nice to know that he wanted to share the expense. Unless it continues to feel awkward when you see him and you can’t think of other things to talk about, let that story be over.

If you do run into each other again, that’s when you allow him to split the bill.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.