Harriette Cole: Should I take my kids all this way to see their flaky father?
DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was in my late 20s, I moved to Japan to teach English. I met a man there, and we got married and had two beautiful daughters.
Soon after my second daughter was born, we decided to get a divorce because our relationship wasn’t working anymore. I moved back to the U.S., and I was able to find a job and get back on my feet as a newly single woman with a toddler and an infant.
About a decade has passed, and my ex-husband has not been interested in staying in contact with his daughters. We have tried to set up calls, and he usually doesn’t answer.
His mother has done a much better job of keeping in touch and has even visited us a few times. She recently made the offer for us to visit Tokyo and see her and my children’s dad. I am nervous to say yes because my ex-husband hasn’t been the most receptive throughout my children’s life. I don’t know how he is going to treat my kids.
Do you think that it is a good idea to take them back to Japan to see their father?
Reunion
DEAR REUNION: You have to talk to your children’s father directly and find out if he is up for this trip and willing to make a focused effort to see his children and spend time with them. It is nice that his mother is making the effort to get the family together, but it would be awful for you to travel all that way and get your children’s hopes up only to have their dad be MIA.
Thank his mother profusely for her suggestion and ask her to help facilitate conversations between you and your ex to sort through the plan. Only when you feel confident that he will do his part to ensure that the visit is a success should you and your children get on that plane.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am busy during the week with work, and I often do not have long enough breaks to get outside throughout my workday. I try to move as much as I can on the weekends, but I feel like it is not enough because I am mainly sitting all day and eating takeout for the other five days.
I am beginning to feel out of shape, and that is the last thing I want for the summertime. I am also trying to limit how much money I spend on activities on the weekend, and it is not that safe to walk around in my neighborhood at night.
Do you have any recommendations as to how I can find some time to get active? Have you heard of any practices to do throughout the day to stay fit?
Fitness and Work
DEAR FITNESS AND WORK: Start your day a bit earlier. Get up and go outside. Take a walk or a run. Be disciplined about getting some form of daily exercise.
If possible, stand at your desk sometimes so that you are not sitting all day.
As hard as it may be at first, try to cook a couple of times a week. That will save you money and ensure that you are eating healthy. Inside your house, you can do short series of stretches, situps and other exercises to keep your blood flowing all day. For ideas on that, go to: healthline.com/health/fitness/office-exercises#exercises-while-standing.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.