Harriette Cole: They talk about how my wife dresses, and I don’t like it
It's not fair that she's being criticized just because she's larger.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife dresses very sexily. She often wears sheer clothing that reveals the curves of her body. I like it, but I have noticed that some people in our friend group do not.
What’s weird is that the very people I see saying things about her behind her back will wear similar clothing. The main difference is that my wife is a curvy woman, and these other women are bone-thin. They seem to think that it’s OK to wear sexy clothes as a size 6, but it’s not for my wife, who is a size 14. I don’t think that’s fair.
By the way, my wife isn’t wearing sexy clothes to church or anything. It’s when we go out socially.
How can I support her and get others to stop whispering about her?
Supporting My Wife
DEAR SUPPORTING MY WIFE: The body positivity movement has helped somewhat in this regard. Between celebrities such as Lizzo and fashion companies regularly extending their sizes to fit women beyond a 14, images of women with curvy bodies are far more prevalent today than in the recent past. Hopefully, this helps your wife know that she isn’t alone.
Without seeing her outfits, I can’t give you an informed opinion, but I will say that your wife should live her life and wear what she wants to wear. She should also be mindful to ensure that her looks are tasteful and appropriate for her body. While her size 14 curves are wonderful, many outfits do look different on different bodies. Not every look works for every shape.
How can you deal with the whispering? Ignore it. There will always be someone with an opinion. As long as you and your wife believe her look is appropriate for the moment, go forth and enjoy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been going to tons of parties on the weekends, sometimes with the same people. After a while, I have come to realize that most of us are telling the same stories over and over again. It’s either bragging about our children, complaining about our spouses or talking about how expensive our lives are.
I’m sure there has to be something else to talk about.
How can I encourage the group to switch up the conversation a bit? I like these people, but I’m bored by the discussion.
One Note
DEAR ONE NOTE: This is why there are book clubs!
Seriously, sometimes you have to introduce new ideas so that people can change the narrative. On one hand, you enjoy being together. On the other, it can start to feel like deja vu. Consider starting a book club where you and your friends read something and chat about it.
The same goes for choosing new adventures that you do with a group or by yourself. You can then come together and report about your new discoveries. For example, you can go to wine tastings at local vineyards or visit art openings where you get to meet the artist. Research happenings in your area and venture out to do some of those things. This will give you fresh stories to share with your friends.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.