Miss Manners: My rule is no gift for a second wedding, no attendance for a third

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on wedding gifts for second, third or fourth marriages?

For a second marriage, I myself do not send a gift, just a “best wishes/congratulations” card. For a third, fourth, etc., I do not send anything or attend.

Admittedly, it can be exhausting and expensive to support multiple attempts at marriage that you feel certain are doomed to fail. But as these matrimonial optimists are presumably friends and relatives, not even acknowledging their weddings seems to Miss Manners a bit callous.

She assures you that a “best wishes” card does not signify condonation of the union. But it also does not justify saying “I told you so” — even if that is warranted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t list my birthday on social media because I don’t want it recognized. Somebody wished me a happy birthday on my page anyway, and only four people responded. Embarrassing to no end!

I can see that the post was viewed by at least 20 of my family members, who did not respond.

My irritation is that these same family members will send me birth, graduation and wedding announcements, requiring me to give a gift. I think it was insulting for them to not at least write a line wishing me a good day.

How should I now answer their own announcements?

GENTLE READER: Uh. What happened to not wanting to have your birthday recognized?

Is it possible that those 20 family members knew that you do not like birthday attention and were merely adhering to your wishes? Or is it just more fun to resent their acknowledging their own milestones — considering them blatant gift grabs and unseemly cries for attention — because you would never stoop that low?

Regardless, Miss Manners does not suggest that you have to reply to their announcements — just that you appreciate the irony.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am fortunate to be invited to many showers (baby and wedding) for younger family members. I am elderly and on a very limited income. I don’t have any skills such as knitting, crocheting, etc.

Could you please suggest some gifts that would be welcome and appreciated, but that would also be affordable?

GENTLE READER: Shower presents should be, by their very nature, affordable. So the only real trick here is to ignore the inevitable and persistent registries and financial requests.

Miss Manners recommends bibs, diapers and onesies for babies — and maybe for newlyweds too, depending on how much they plan to overdo it at the various wedding parties.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved into a new building with a call box and common entry. For first-time visitors, I typically meet them at the common entry to either show them into my home or see them off at the end of our visit.

Once they transition to repeat visitors, though, would it be considered polite to continue to walk back to the common entry with them? Or is just seeing them in/out the door of my second-floor home OK?

GENTLE READER: The latter is fine. Although double-checking that the entry is adequately lit is always kind.

Especially if they have enjoyed a few drinks with you before departing.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.