Dear Abby: I let a drunk guy stay on my couch, and he won’t leave
He screams for sex. I told him to move on.
DEAR ABBY: I let a friend who was going through a hard time stay on my couch when he would get too drunk to drive. Eleven years later, he’s still here.
I told him from the beginning not to get hooked or fall in love with me, because I knew I would never feel the same.
He has taken over my home with his collections but won’t sell anything. He also doesn’t pay any bills. I do not like his drinking. I am sober.
He yells and screams for sex, but I don’t give in. I told him he needs to move on.
I’m on disability and a fixed income. Legal eviction? Restraining order? He has threatened to walk away and leave me to deal with all his junk. Help!
— INVADED IN MISSOURI
DEAR INVADED: You have been too kind for far too long. Before doing anything, talk with an attorney because of the length of time you have allowed this person to live with you (rent-free). If you can’t afford legal counsel, reach out to your local Legal Aid or Legal Services office.
If the freeloader agrees to go, leaving his “collections” behind, you may be able to sell or donate the items.
Should he refuse to leave your home, you may have to formally evict him which, depending upon the laws in your state, could be complicated without legal guidance.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is a very attractive 56. For years she has wanted Botox treatments. Recently, it has become more serious because she feels she looks like a grandmother.
I (and others) continue to tell her how great she looks, especially when she dresses up. I also tell her Botox is a short-term fix and will require subsequent treatments. Additionally, with each treatment, she will risk potential problems of infection, allergic reaction or medical mistakes.
I remind her of the treatments that have gone wrong and that none of those women went to their doctors asking to look like a retired boxer.
At this point, I’m concerned she may be depressed about aging and wants to do something to improve her looks, but I’m standing in her way.
I love her just as she is, and I don’t want her to do anything that ultimately could do damage. To me, the ultimate “depression” would be doing something harmful that can’t be corrected. Please advise me.
— LOVES HER THE WAY SHE IS
DEAR LOVES: You clearly adore your wife and want what is best for her. That’s why you should consider scheduling a consultation for both of you with a board-certified dermatologist who can explain the benefits and risks of using Botox. It may put some of your concerns to rest.
When administered by a medical professional, there is little risk of a bad outcome. While you are correct that the effects last only a few months, Botox is popular among women in her age group and those even younger. The only drawback is that it isn’t cheap. (During your discussion, you may also want to ask about other products that are available and last longer, such as fillers.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.