Harriette Cole: How should I address this awkward situation with my friends?
Plus: When I'm home for break, how much daily time should I devote to preparing for next semester?
DEAR HARRIETTE: I often find myself feeling like a third wheel when hanging out with two close friends. This sensation can be quite uncomfortable, and I worry about it affecting our friendship.
How can I deal with this feeling without making my friends uncomfortable or negatively impacting the dynamic of our friendship? I want to address this situation in a way that preserves our bond and ensures everyone feels at ease during our time together.
— Third Wheel
DEAR THIRD WHEEL: There really isn’t too much to say. In groups of three, it is natural for two to become closer. Sadly, you are the odd person out.
Stating the obvious will not likely make your relationship closer. Instead, you may want to reallocate how you spend your time.
Do not rely solely on those two for your joy. Venture out and do things where you can meet other people. Easier still, reach out to other friends or associates and invite them to do something with you — or even with the group.
You need to establish some independence as a person so that you satisfy your personal needs to be appreciated and seen. If your two buddies aren’t doing that to your satisfaction, stop resenting them and fill your time differently.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I struggled a bit this past semester in college. I was dealing with a lot emotionally, and it affected my attention to my studies and social life.
It is winter break now, and I want to be more productive next semester. I think that I should start preparing for my classes now and map things out, but I also want to savor my time off.
Also, due to my social break, I am not involved in any clubs or activities with anyone outside of my immediate friend group. I want to expand my network next semester, but I am not sure where to start.
How should I start my preparation, and how much time should I dedicate to it over break?
— Break Prep
DEAR BREAK PREP: Take your transition back into college life very seriously now so that you set yourself up for success.
Devote at least an hour each day to mapping out a plan. Research campus clubs and activities that may pique your interest, and write to them to see if you can meet up next semester. Think about students you have liked who were in classes with you or whom you met in other capacities and reach out to a few of them to hang out when you return. Putting forth effort now will make it easier when you arrive back at school to hit the ground running.
While you are at home, do the things that bring you joy. Spend time with your family and loved ones. If you have local friends from high school or your neighborhood, reach out and be sure to hang out with them.
Also, take time for yourself. Allow space to rest and rejuvenate, reflect and plan for your future. Not every moment needs to be scheduled. Be gentle with yourself.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.