Harriette Cole: I’m 21 and a barista. Did I make a mistake?
It feels too late to follow my friends on the college path.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 21-year-old woman who made the decision not to go to college.
I have found myself working as a Starbucks barista, stuck in the same town I grew up in. My friends from high school are about to graduate and secure positions at Fortune 500 companies.
I find myself overwhelmed with regret after hearing of their success. I’m questioning my choices and wondering if I made a mistake by not pursuing a traditional education.
I am considering applying for college now, but I’m hesitant because it feels too late. I am also considering joining the military, but I’m not sure that I’m cut out for that lifestyle.
I feel stuck and uncertain about my future. How can I navigate this crossroads and make a decision that aligns with my goals and values, considering the pressure I feel from my peers’ achievements?
— Time for Change
DEAR TIME FOR CHANGE: First, know that it is not too late to course correct.
You made a choice for your life that is no longer satisfying you. Rather than feeling embarrassed or regretful about how your choices differ from those of your friends, focus on what you can do now. Do you have an idea of the career you would like to have? What interests you? Take some time to think about that. Now is your moment to design the next chapter of your life. This is exciting.
A career in the military is a great option in that you can go to college while serving the country. Research the different arms of the military to see how you might align your personal career goals with that option.
Similarly, look at college programs that offer coursework that matches your goals. Consider starting with community college. You can go to school while working, and it’s very affordable.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend of three years recently got engaged to a man she has been on and off with for the past five years. I am not ecstatic for her because she has had a very indecisive relationship with her soon-to-be husband.
She is 25, and he’s 34 with a 10-year-old son from a past relationship. She has complained about how he is a poor parent who doesn’t correct his son’s actions. This has led his son being horribly behaved in public and at home.
She feels as if her fiance doesn’t have ambition when it comes to his career and is complacent with his position, even though he is relatively young and could move up a lot.
Still, she said yes to him.
When my friend showed me the ring, I didn’t know how to react, but managed to say my congratulations. I want to support her, but I’m worried about her future happiness.
How do I be a supportive friend while also expressing my concerns about her relationship choices?
— Bad Decision
DEAR BAD DECISION: Tell your friend you want to support her decision to get married and you are concerned that she may not be making a decision that’s in sync with her vision for her life.
Ask her what she hopes her life will look like in five, 10, 15 years. What does she want, and does she think she can have that with this man? For her own good, urge her to sit with those questions.
Marriage is supposed to be a forever commitment. Is this the commitment she wants to make?
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.