Harriette Cole: The things he says behind her back!
I want to shut him down, but he's my husband's buddy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My spouse and I have several longtime friends we visit when we vacation.
One male friend talks badly about one of our wonderful female friends nonstop when we are together in his house. When she visits him, he is nicer than pie to her face.
I want to tell him to stop talking smack about her, but I know this will escalate into a fight.
What’s the best way to handle this? This friend is my husband’s longtime buddy.
— Backstabber
DEAR BACKSTABBER: The next time this friend speaks negatively about your mutual friend, ask him to stop. Tell him it is really hard for you to hear these things about her.
Be ready to stand up for your thoughts here, knowing that it is not OK to be a bystander to negativity. Sometimes you have to fight back. Be willing to argue on her behalf and suggest that if he has true beef with her, he should speak to her about it directly.
What you should not do is report back to her. That will only hurt her feelings. In the moment, though, you absolutely can and should defend her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a difficult situation regarding my career decisions.
Currently, I am employed in a job that is incredibly stressful, but it pays well. However, I have been contemplating a change to a different business or career path that may not offer the same level of financial compensation, because I just don’t know how long I can do this job.
This decision has left me feeling uncertain and worried about the steps I should take to pursue this change.
I am torn between the comfort of financial stability and the desire for a more fulfilling and satisfying career path. It is a challenging decision to make, and I am weighing the pros and cons carefully before taking any definitive action. Kindly give me some insights.
— Money or Fulfillment
DEAR MONEY OR FULFILLMENT: I recently spoke to a health care professional about the various health crises that many people are experiencing today.
She reminded me that stress is at the top of the list for triggers for catastrophic physical events in people’s lives. It sounds like you are feeling overly stressed right now, which is a clear indication that change is wise.
How can you do it? Review your budget. How much money do you have saved that may help you during a transition? If you need to save more, can you refocus your lens on that goal rather than succumbing to the emotional pressures of work? If you need to leave immediately no matter what, consider the changes necessary for you to afford your life. Do you need to move? Downsize? Get a roommate? What will it take?
Refine your résumé and start applying for other jobs. Become proactive in searching for what’s next in your life. Think about what may provide more contentment for you, even if it pays less than your current job.
The point here is to be proactive. Make a plan that will take you out of this unhealthy work environment and put you in a situation where you can flourish. You must have a plan, though. Do not be reactive.
Be strategic and maintain a positive attitude for the future. That is what will attract exactly what you need. Also, be sure to drink lots of water, eat healthy food, get as much rest as possible, move your body and remain hopeful.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.