Kurtenbach: The 49ers’ 2024 schedule is out, so let’s make some reckless predictions
The Niners have an absolutely brutal second-half stretch
The 49ers have been done no favors by the NFL scheduling computers. Just another reason to hate the machines.
Sure, the defending NFC Champions will be given an easy enough entry into the season, but the team’s November and December are poised to be brutal, with eight of the team’s final 10 games coming against playoff teams last season.
Shake off those Super Bowl hangovers early, gang — any early loss could prove fatal to the team’s bid to return to the Big Game.
Here’s a quick thought on the 49ers’ 17 games and a way-too-early, please-don’t-hold-me-to-this prediction on each contest:
Week 1: Jets [Monday Night Football]
This game is a cruel joke on Aaron Rodgers, who tore his Achilles tendon in last season’s Monday Night Football opener. It couldn’t happen to a nicer, saner guy!
Prediction: Win (1-0); We’re fast approaching the return of Robert Saleh to the Bay
Week 2: at Minnesota
The Vikings could be a good team this upcoming season, but they’re going to be working through some things at the beginning of the season. Will the Vikes go with Sam Darnold or JJ McCarthy at quarterback? Who knows. Either way, the Niners should try to make them see ghosts.
Prediction: Win (2-0); Don’t be surprised if you see them again, though
Week 3: at Rams
An early test for the Niners — the Rams should be the real deal this season. I know the Niners like to treat September like the preseason, but, folks, the season really starts here.
Prediction: Loss (2-1); But one of those losses you don’t worry about too much at the moment
Week 4: New England
Ok, now you can go back to preseason mode.
Prediction: Win (3-1); the Pats are going to be quite awful, folks
Week 5: Arizona
The Niners should be looking pretty good at this point. Given what’s to come on the schedule, they better be.
Prediction: Win (4-1); but the kind you feel bad about — the Arizona specialty
Week 6: at Seattle [Thursday Night Football]
An early mini-bye is a welcome sight. The Niners showing up in Seattle on a Thursday? Also a positive for those in red and gold. The Niners have won five straight against Seattle, including a 31-13 drubbing last Thanksgiving in the Pacific Northwest. More good news: The Niners should avoid that miserable Seattle weather for this contest. (Is there anything worse than 40 degrees and raining?)
Prediction: Win (5-1); The Seattle defense is going to take some time to get right. Geno Smith is still not it; Sam Howell never was
Week 7: Kansas City
One of the first games to leak, this Super Bowl rematch at Levi’s Stadium is going will be a Sunday afternoon game that will tell us just how serious the Niners are about repeating as NFC Champions.
Prediction: Loss (5-2); It’ll probably be for the best — you can’t get too hyped too early
Week 8: Dallas [Sunday Night Football]
The hype for this game will be off the charts, coming off another game where the hype will be off the charts. If the Niners didn’t play so many national television games the past few years, I’d worry about it. But this is the norm for San Francisco now. Let’s see if the Niners can repeat last year’s butt-kicking of the Cowboys at Levi’s. (And avoid the post-butt-kicking slump.)
Prediction: Win (6-2); Feel free to trust Dak Prescott to win this game, though
Week 9: BYE
You shouldn’t complain about a bye week right in the dead middle of the season. I bet the Niners — who have been off in Week 9 for the last three years — find a way, though.
Week 10: at Tampa Bay
The Niners have won three straight games against the Bucs, a playoff team — and winner — last season. Does Baker Mayfield have the kind of staying power to put back-to-back good seasons together? We’ll know by this point in the season. Plus, a little Florida weather might be welcome as things start to cool down in the Bay.
Prediction: Win (7-2); Whoops, Baker turned into a pumpkin again
Week 11: Seattle
Nothing says “welcome back home” like playing a Mike MacDonald defense in a division rivalry game. This is one the Niners need to get — they can’t go limping into a brutal stretch. The problem: MacDonald might have that defense humming by this point.
Prediction: Win (8-2); The TV networks are going to love the Niners for this
Week 12: at Green Bay
The 49ers are avoiding all the major holidays on the schedule this season. Coming off a nice rest, this sure-to-be Sunday afternoon game in Green Bay between the two favorites in the NFC (at least today) should set off a great Thanksgiving week. It also starts an absolutely brutal, season-defining six-week stretch for the 49ers.
Prediction: Loss (8-3); A body-blow game against Seattle takes its toll as the Packers make a statement
Week 13: at Buffalo [Sunday Night Football]
Come home, enjoy Thanksgiving, and then head across the country to play the Bills, who look to be a total wild card looking forward (it is mid-May). A night game, in Buffalo, in December? Yikes. That said, it’s early December. The average low on this date in the Niagara region is 30 degrees — it could be worse.
Prediction: Loss (8-4): Josh Allen is something close to a worst-case-scenario quarterback for the 49ers’ defense — facing him at the end of a holiday week is brutal
Week 14: Chicago
Would it be better to play the Bears’ rookie quarterback Caleb Williams earlier? You bet. But the Niners will have some solid tape on the kid by this point. This could be a nice reprieve amid a brutal stretch
Prediction: Win (9-4); I have no idea what Williams will be — I’ll err on the side of “bust.” Don’t sleep on the Bears defense, though
Week 15: Rams [Thursday Night Football]
I’d imagine first place will be on the line in this game. Both teams should find those old, terrible Color Rush jerseys the NFL used to mandate be worn for TNF (the Niners wore… black; the Rams all yellow with a gold-accented helmet) to honor the occasion.
Prediction: Win (10-4); Niners bounce back in what could be the game of the year
Week 16: at Miami
If there’s ever a time to go to South Florida (and see old friend Mike McDaniel), a few days before Christmas is it. A long flight, sure, but a bit of humidity and mid-70s temps will do any team some good.
Prediction: Loss (10-5); Let Mike feel good about himself — he’s the best and this is as good as it’ll get for Miami this season
Week 17: Detroit [Monday Night Football]
Whooo buddy, this NFC Championship Game rematch is going to be a big one. I think. Don’t hold me to that.
Prediction: Loss (10-6); Detroit, if they’re still intact, is going to want this one so, so bad after they choked away a shot at the Super Bowl. Congrats, you won a Week 17 game and will be everyone’s pick for the playoffs. (Except mine — additional prediction: Jared Goff is going to Jared Goff in the playoffs)
Week 18: at Arizona
Will either team want to play this game? Probably not. Will either team want to win this game? Also debatable.
Prediction: Win (11-6); Okay, the Niners might need this one. Good thing it should be gettable.