Miss Manners: How can I keep my outings a secret from the neighbors?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a high-rise in a large retirement community.
I run into various neighbors in the lobby, on the stoop and in the hallway every time I am leaving or returning. I am always asked where I am going or where I have been.
I am not comfortable sharing this information, but I don’t want to be rude. How can I respond?
GENTLE READER: With a cheery “Just out!” or “Running errands!” accompanied by a smile and a wave — and no attempt to slow your gait for follow-up questions.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do I need to place a fresh, unused bar of soap in the guest bathroom for every new guest I host?
Sometimes people stay for just one night. Tossing soap that’s only been used once seems wasteful.
Doesn’t soap “clean” itself with every use?
GENTLE READER: Does it? Miss Manners has often wondered about the mechanics of that herself.
As long as the soap is adequately inspected and cleared of debris, she sees nothing wrong with reusing it. Just promise not to let it devolve into that weird splintering thing it becomes when it has clearly seen too many guests.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a small college of about 550 students. Although I am on friendly terms with many of them, my close friend group is about five people.
Lately I’ve been dealing with clingy folks who don’t give me space. They will demand conversations as late as 11 p.m., walk with me wherever I go, and whenever they see me, they want to talk for over an hour.
When I try to set boundaries by gracefully excusing myself to study, they sometimes still follow me.
It’s not just studying for which I excuse myself, either. Sometimes I would just appreciate some time alone to read or call a friend.
Is wanting time alone a legitimate reason for excusing myself? And if they still refuse to give me that time alone, what are your suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Telling someone that you would rather be alone than have to endure their companionship is discourteous. But the good news is you do not need an excuse at all.
“I’m sorry, but I really have to go. I will catch up with you later,” is all Miss Manners suggests you say.
And then run.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many old women, I object to being called “young lady” and I find it offensive. (I do not want anyone to call me this, but only older men tend to do so.)
When I point out to them that I am not young, they either argue with me or scold me for not being “young at heart.”
My mother used to tell such men to get new glasses. That was not successful, either.
It seems harsh to inform them that if they persist in calling me “young lady,” I will try to avoid them. Do you have any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: “If I, at my age, am a young lady, then what does that make you?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.