Harriette Cole: The bouncer rejected me, and my friends went in anyway

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I are studying abroad in Europe, and we like to explore the party scene here.

The clubs are strict — they have security guards, and apparently everyone expects you to wear high heels and tiny dresses, neither of which are really my style.

On two occasions, my friends and their tiny dresses were approved by the bouncer, but my mom jeans and I were not. I was embarrassed, but the fact that my friends decided not to go in made me feel a lot better.

I was thankful for them — until they started encouraging me to dress differently so we could all get in.

They badgered me about what I intended to wear days in advance, and if I didn’t go with the outfits they picked out for me, they’d get really annoyed.

The third time I was turned away by a bouncer, my friends asked if I was OK to head home alone. I was shocked. I thought we would all leave and go elsewhere like usual, but I guess they prefer fun over friendship.

Am I in the wrong friend group?

— In the Club

DEAR IN THE CLUB: You can’t put this on your friends. If there is a dress code that all of you have witnessed and you choose to ignore it, you should stop trying to go to that place.

If your friends want to go, they should go without you.

Given that you went multiple times together and they walked away because you didn’t get in, they’ve proven that they value your friendship. Ultimately, though, if they want to go somewhere you are unwilling to dress to attend, let them go without you. Don’t be mad, and don’t try to hold them back with guilt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has taken to going to bed before 8 p.m. No, he is not an old man (though he is getting older).

He says he’s tired and that he doesn’t want to stay up. He gets up early in the morning, so that’s that.

I was frustrated with him for deciding to cut off his day so dramatically, and then I learned from another friend that her husband had taken to napping a lot in the middle of the day and going to bed early. He was just diagnosed with cancer.

My friend points to her husband’s lethargy as a sign of illness, though neither of them detected it at the time.

I want my husband to have a physical just to make sure he’s OK, but he refuses. I can’t even remember when he last had one. How can I get him to at least get checked out?

— Worried

DEAR WORRIED: If your husband is not sleeping substantially more than eight hours a night, then he’s probably just an “early to bed, early to rise” type of guy.

If you are sure that’s not all there is to it, sit down with him and remind him of how much you love him. Tell him that you are worried about him because of the change in his sleeping habits. Point out what you just learned about your friend’s husband. Add that you hope you are being overly anxious, but ask him to indulge you by going to get a physical. Ask him to get a full workup to put your mind at ease.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.