'But I Hate School': What To Do When Your Teen Dreads Going Back

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

If your teen is already groaning about going back to school — and not just in the “ugh, summer went too fast” way — you’re not alone. Some kids start counting down to the first bell with excitement. Others … well, they start the countdown like it’s the ticking of a doomsday clock. As the parent of three reluctant teens myself, I get it!

Here’s the thing: A little pre-school-year grumbling is totally normal. But sometimes, that dread is deeper than the typical “I don’t wanna get up early” griping. And as parents, it’s tricky to know when to push, when to listen, and when to step in. So we asked the experts for their best advice on what to do when your teen doesn’t want to go to school.

Why School Feels Different Now

Before you assume your teen’s lack of enthusiasm is all about laziness, it’s worth understanding that school — and how teens experience it — has changed.

Keesha Scott, MS, cofounder of behavioral health company Guardian Recovery, makes a very valid point. “I think one big shift we’re seeing is how comfortable kids have become with virtual connection — especially after COVID. Social media and gaming mean they can talk to friends, laugh, and even build relationships without leaving their bed,” Scott tells SheKnows. “When we were younger, school was where we reconnected with our friends every day. For a lot of kids now, that social fix already happens online before the first bell rings. It’s changing how they experience friendship, connection, and even motivation to show up in person.”

It’s so true. For practically the entirety of middle school and high school, the most exciting part of back-to-school was getting to see my friends regularly again (or maybe that crush I didn’t “run into” nearly enough over the summer). But it’s different for our kids. For many teens, school is no longer the only place they connect socially — and if they’re already getting that fix online, in-person attendance may feel more like an obligation than a source of excitement.

First, Figure Out What’s Really Going On

Before you start trying to “fix” the problem, the first step is to listen — without rushing them or dismissing their feelings. “A simple ‘Tell me what’s feeling heavy about school?’ can open the door,” Scott says. “Teens shut down if they feel dismissed or like you’re panicking, so meet them where they are and stay curious before moving to solutions.”

Najamah Davis, LCSW, says the same approach applies when you suspect something deeper is going on: “It’s tempting to reassure or jump to solutions, but teens often just need space to be heard first. Validate their experience — even if it seems small to you. Saying, ‘That sounds really hard’ or ‘I get why that would feel overwhelming’ builds trust and keeps the door open.”

You may find that their dread stems from something simple — like a new teacher they’re nervous about — or something much more serious, like anxiety, bullying, or academic struggles.

Kathy Wu, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and author of The Self-Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults, recommends using what she calls the “HEAD, HEART, HABITS, HISTORY” gut-check to assess what’s going on:

HEAD – Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or vague “I don’t feel good” complaints can be physical signs of stress.

HEART – Are they more irritable, withdrawn, or saying things like “I can’t do this” or “I hate school”? Listen for emotional red flags.

HABITS – Watch for changes in sleep, appetite, energy, or social life. Skipping hangouts, sleeping all day, or losing interest in things they love? That’s worth noting.

HISTORY – Did last school year involve bullying, academic struggles, or mental health challenges? If so, their anxiety may be very real.

Start Small — and Give Them Some Control

If your teen’s dread isn’t rooted in a major crisis, small steps can help. Dr. Wu tells SheKnows, “In the weeks before school starts, giving teens small ways to take control — like organizing their social activities, getting their school supplies ready, planning their daily schedule, or choosing their clothes — can ease anxiety and build confidence. Involving them in these decisions helps them feel more prepared and independent, turning the back-to-school chaos into a welcomed and comforting ritual.”

Ease Them Into a Routine

No one loves going from late summer mornings to 6 a.m. alarms overnight (and being forced to make the change abruptly can wreak havoc on the ability to function properly, let alone pay attention). That’s why Scott recommends getting back into a routine — things like sleep schedules and morning rhythms — a week or so before school. “I also like previewing what’s ahead: walking their schedule, setting some small goals, and making space for downtime,” she says.

Davis adds: “Gradually shifting sleep schedules, meal times, and screen habits a week or two before school starts can ease the shock of transition. It also helps to involve your teen in prepping — let them choose school supplies or organize their space so they feel a sense of control.”

Make It About Connection, Not Perfection

When dread is tied to a sense of disconnection or lack of motivation, Rebecca Hug, Ph.D., NCC, LPCC-S, says: “Start by helping students find even one part of school they can connect to — a friend, a club, an art class, or just having more independence. If they say nothing motivates them, that’s okay — focus on small actions first. Research shows that action can come before motivation. Even a small win (showing up, turning in one assignment) can build momentum.”

Build Rituals and Moments to Look Forward To

Even small rituals can have a big impact when it comes to shifting the tone of back-to-school season. “Traditions help too, even small ones like a special breakfast or one fun back-to-school ritual,” says Scott.

Davis adds: “You can build in little incentives — maybe a mid-week treat or weekend plan they can look forward to. Humor, music, and gentle encouragement go a long way. You’re not trying to eliminate their dread — just shift the lens a little toward possibility.”

When It’s Time to Bring In Help

Sometimes, school dread doesn’t fade after the first couple of weeks. Dr. Hug notes: “If your student’s worries last more than a couple of weeks, seem to be getting worse, or start affecting their sleep, appetite, mood, or attendance — it’s a good idea to loop in support. You don’t need to wait for a crisis. School counselors are a great first stop and can help connect the dots between home and school.”

If necessary, an outside therapist can provide a neutral, safe space for your teen to process their feelings without the emotional weight of a parent-child conversation.

Keep Your Own Energy In Check

Finally, remember that your energy sets the tone. Davis advises: “Teens respond best to authenticity. Avoid toxic positivity and instead focus on what’s real but hopeful.”

“Honestly, your energy matters,” agrees Scott. “If you frame school as a fresh start instead of a punishment, it helps shift their mindset.”

You don’t have to pretend that early mornings and homework are amazing (because let’s face it — they suck for all of us); just balance empathy with encouragement. Acknowledge the hard parts while reminding them of the bright spots, whether that’s seeing friends, joining a club, or having more independence … or, simply the fact that every day of school is one day closer to graduation.

Parents, we’re not trying to erase their dread entirely. Sadly, that may be an impossible task. But we’re helping them learn how to work through it — and that’s a skill they’ll use long after high school.