Teens Reveal the Surprising Everyday Moments That Make Them Feel Like Adults

Ask a teen what things would make them feel like a grownup, and you might expect answers like “paying bills” or “living on my own.” But according to a recent SheKnows Teen Council Life Skills survey — and what Teen Council members told us in a separate, more in-depth discussion — adulthood often starts with much smaller, everyday milestones. Sometimes, it’s even about chores.

In our Life Skills survey, teens described the everyday actions that make them feel more adult. One respondent wrote simply: “Driving and doing work outside of school.” Another said: “The freedom of being where I want when I want.” The survey results reflect that independence: 64 percent of respondents started commuting to school alone between ages 10–12, but nearly half (48 percent) still rely on parents for rides. A significant number are working — 68 percent have jobs — and many are already handling household responsibilities like doing the dishes (87 percent), laundry (70 percent), and cooking (65 percent). One survey respondent summed it up as “Knowing how to care for myself.” And when they look ahead, an overwhelming majority — 95 percent — say the thing they’re most excited about when it comes to adulthood is “freedom.”

In a conversation with Teen Council members, they shared specific, personal examples of what makes them feel more grown up. For 16-year-old Gary, independence starts in the laundry room: “I do my own laundry on a regular basis. … Bro, if I don’t do my laundry, it doesn’t get done.” Juliet, 17, said her early introduction to self-management came through making her own appointments: “My mom does my laundry for me, but since I literally could use my voice and use a phone she has forced me to make my own doctor’s appointments and like get all the stuff together and everything … I would do it when I was like 9, 10 years old.” Gwen, 16, tied her adulting milestone to driving: “I live in Texas, so I got my driver’s license the day I turned 16, and it’s been really fun.” And for Clive, 16, the kitchen is a proving ground: “I cook my own meals. I think that’s absurd to do your own laundry if you don’t cook your own meals.” Greta, 17, agreed in part, noting: “I can cook my own meals, and I do sometimes … when I’m home alone, I will.”

Just don’t ask them to make their beds regularly. Sixty-five percent of survey respondents said they do, but Juliet begged to differ. “I think that’s a made-up thing,” she laughed. “I don’t think people actually do that.”

Whether it’s the survey responses or the in-person answers, the pattern is the same: teens link adulting to self-reliance. Understanding what makes teens feel like adults can guide parents in helping them prepare for life on their own. The survey shows the milestones they’ve already hit; the interviews reveal the nuance and humor of how they experience those steps. Your teen may not be fully in charge of their life yet, but if they’re managing chores, working part-time, scheduling their own appointments, and getting themselves where they need to be — whether that’s through a calendar app, a bike ride, or a newly earned driver’s license — they’re already building the skills they’ll rely on as adults, and getting a taste of the independence they can’t wait for.

Interested in joining our Teen Council or learning more? Email us at teencouncil@shemedia.com.