When Your Kid Becomes a Sephora Girlie — & You’re Just Trying to Keep Her Safe
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It started as a wholesome mall trip — the kind of Saturday afternoon you plan as a reward after a long week of homework and soccer practices, forgotten water bottles, and third-grade social studies tests. I took my newly-9-year-old daughter and her friend to a nearby mall, expecting to browse a few stores, maybe split a pretzel, and bask in the innocence of pre-tween girlhood.
They roamed the mall like curious little creatures, wide-eyed and full of opinions. They giggled at the Victoria’s Secret window display (a woman in a frilly negligee), sampled scents at Macy’s, sprinted into Claire’s for the chaotic glory of a buy-one-get-one-free deal on fidgets and mystery earrings, and loitered in Hot Topic long enough to discuss whether or not they were “a baddie” or “preppy.” Lucy picked out bath bombs from LUSH and sanitizer from Bath & Body Works. Her bestie bought the same, plus a plushie shaped like a capybara and nail polish on sale. It was cute. It was harmless.
Then, we spotted Sephora.
We stepped in, like we were entering a glittering temple of self-care (and self-worth?). The lighting was bright, the shelves gleamed, and the sales associates smiled with alarming warmth. “Let us know if you need anything!” one of them chirped, as if these 9-year-olds were the target demo. Maybe they are now.
For the next 30 minutes, I trailed behind the girls like a chaperone on a very specific kind of field trip. They swatched lip glosses. Sampled shimmer. Sniffed their way through Sol de Janeiro mists. Meanwhile, I was frantically Googling things like, “Is niacinamide okay for kids’ skin?” and “Can preteens use Drunk Elephant?” My daughter settled on a Summer Fridays lip butter and a $24 Drunk Elephant hand cream. Her friend left with a lip gloss trio and the aforementioned, now-ubiquitous Sol de Janeiro mist. I — completely unsupervised — grabbed an $85 Crown Affair hair perfume that smelled like heaven. (Reader, I have no regrets. But also: I’m guilty for falling into the Sephora trap too.)
We ended the day with pretzel bites and Billie Eilish whispering in my speakers during the car ride home, the girls gushing about everything they saw. They loved it. I wanted to love it too. But something about it sat weird in my chest.
At 9, I was brushing Barbie’s hair and swiping my mom’s worn-down Revlon lipstick like it was treasure. I didn’t know a serum from a salad dressing. These girls? They know brands, ingredients, and aesthetic. They know what “clean girl” means (I had to Google it). They’re not full-on scrolling social media (yet), but they’re seeing it: YouTube shorts in passing, older cousins’ TikToks, the occasional Instagram Reel over my Gen X shoulder. The content may not be made for them, but make no mistake: they’re consuming and being shaped by it.
Look, I’m not trying to be the Footloose dad banning dancing and fun. Okay? I love a good beauty product. I’m a former beauty editor, after all. I believe in the joy of self-expression and the power of personal style. But lately, I’ve been asking: Where’s the line between playful and premature? And how do we raise impressionable girls to know that their value goes far beyond a Sephora haul?
When Curiosity Turns Into Comparison
What started as an innocent interest — something I chalked up to curiosity — now has me wondering whether my daughter is absorbing more than just scent profiles. She’s learning what’s considered worth wanting, what’s marketed as “pretty,” and what she might think she should look like … all before she’s even hit double digits. This is a child whose biggest skincare need should be rinsing off sunscreen after a pool day.
The harder question I’ve had to ask myself: How am I, as her parent, shaping the way she sees herself in the mirror?
“One of the most important points for parents is to reflect on the language they are using around appearance in the home to ensure they are not reinforcing the message to their child that they are only valued for one thing: their appearance,” says Fiona Yassin, child, adolescent, and family psychotherapist, and expert in beauty and body image among children and teens in the media. “It’s essential to avoid using stereotypical and gendered views such as, ‘girls are pretty,’ and ‘boys are strong.’”
“Saying things to children that are based solely on appearance or attributes can lead to them feeling conditionally loved,” Yassin adds.
Yassin also points out that children imitate what’s in their surroundings more closely than we realize. “To a large extent, the way your child views makeup is going to be similar to the way those around them use makeup,” she says. “Take stock of your own behavior … Are you modeling things your children are holding onto?”
Alyssa Campbell, founder and CEO of parenting support brand Seed & Sew, agrees. “What we model when we talk about our own bodies matters even more than what we say directly to them,” she says. “If we tell our kids to accept and respect their bodies, but they see and hear us speaking negatively about our own appearances, that’s what will sink in.”
And it’s only going to get more complex. Campbell, author of the newly-released book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, explains: “Their world starts to revolve more around their friends and social circles. The need to feel included and belong becomes a huge motivator, and they may put a lot of energy into fitting in.”
Campbell also cites, beauty marketing is sending constant messages that “worth is tied to appearance,” as she puts it. “It’s easy for kids to start believing they have to look a certain way to be ‘good’ or valued.”
How Social Media Is Shaping Youth
In addition to people around your kids making an impact on their developing minds, there are also influencers on the small screen serving beauty standards. While we don’t let Lucy scroll TikTok or Instagram on her own yet, Sephora seepage still happens. The language, the looks, the products — all of it trickles down — through YouTube Shorts, even the presumably safe YouTube Kids, and when she’s looking over my shoulder at my phone as I scroll (guilty as charged). What looks like harmless fun — 20-somethings, teens, or even kids unboxing beauty buys from Target, Claire’s, or Sephora — can have a deeper impact.
The cultural moment goes beyond YouTube shorts and TikTok hauls. Just this month, 16-year-old Salish Matter, a YouTube star, launched her skincare line Sincerely Yours at Sephora. When she appeared at a nearby mall for the debut, the scene erupted into near pandemonium with thousands of teens, tweens, and their parents flooding the premises to see her from afar on a stage, and stop by Sephora to grab her hydrating cleanser, soothing serum mist, daily moisturizer, and mineral sunscreen — all meant for young skin. That frenzy captures exactly what parents are up against: beauty is no longer an aspirational teen pastime, but a booming category marketed squarely to kids who are still in elementary school.
Gen Alpha, which comprises of kids born between 2010 and 2024 (ranging from 1 to 14 years old), spent nearly $4.7 billion on beauty products in 2023 alone and have an overall spending power projected to soar to $5.5 trillion by 2029, according to global market intelligence agency Mintel. As the first fully 21st-century generation, they’re deeply tech-savvy, turning to e-commerce, social media, and digital platforms like Sephora’s app for beauty tips and inspo. They’re interested. They’re watching. And they’re absorbing far more than we think; banking ideas for what to ask parents for future birthdays or Christmas to incorporate into their aesthetic. (That buzz word again.)
“At age nine, children are forming their sense of self,” says Dr. Lisa Strohman, clinical psychologist, founder of the Digital Citizen Academy, and author of Unplug: Raising Kids in a Technology Addicted World. “When beauty products dominate their daily routine, it sets the stage for unattainable standards, perfectionism, and self-worth problems.”
She explains that curated “Get Ready With Me” (GRWM) videos and product hauls on TikTok and YouTube present lifestyles kids can’t fully understand developmentally. And even if parents limit access, workarounds like using a friend’s device are common.
Strohman highlights four major forces driving this influence, so parents can take note:
Trend Cycles: Hauls, skincare selfies, and GRWM videos are everywhere, sometimes posted by underage creators whose content gets promoted to peers on social media.
Algorithmic Targeting: Recommendation feeds push trending beauty tutorials and #TikTokMadeMeBuyIt videos, fueling FOMO and impulsive buying.
Aesthetic Hook: Bright, fruit-themed packaging from brands like Drunk Elephant and Glow Recipe that make products feel collectible and identity-defining, especially for young shoppers.
Offline Reinforcement: In-store events and displays that echo what kids see online, creating a loop between digital inspiration and real-life brand loyalty.
“Parents need to be aware the exposure is layered,” Strohman says. “It’s not just what kids see online; it’s how it’s reinforced in their physical world.”
What’s Okay and Not Okay for Young Skin
But, for our family, drawing a hard line isn’t the way. We want to give our daughter room to explore beauty in a way that feels playful, creative, and safe (without rushing her into routines or products meant for adults, of course). Tweens don’t have to skip the beauty aisle entirely. In fact, experimenting with the right kinds of products can be a fun, age-appropriate way to explore personal style and self-care. Some dermatologists say there’s a safe lane for skincare and makeup that lets kids play without overwhelming their still-developing skin barrier.
The key is steering them toward gentle, non-corrective products and avoiding anything marketed to “treat” problems they don’t actually have. Mollie Kelly Tufman, PhD biochemist and founder of The Beauty Lab, breaks down some guidelines for us:
Stick to Gentle Basics: Look for products labeled for sensitive skin, fragrance-free, and dermatologist-tested. Lightweight, non-comedogenic moisturizers, mild cleansers, and mineral-based sunscreens are generally considered safe for most tweens. “Foaming cleansers and scrubs can strip and irritate skin, sometimes even adult skin,” says Tufman. Instead, use pH-balanced, fragrance-free, and super gentle products.
Think “Play” Over “Treatment”: Sheer lip glosses, tinted balms, and fun-but-washable nail colors give them the thrill of experimenting without the risk that comes with “actives” like retinoids or high-strength acids. “Young skin is thinner and more permeable, and generally more reactive than adult skin,” explains Tufman, also a mom to a 9-year-old girl who’s fully in her Sephora era. “Therefore, anything you put on it absorbs more quickly, making strong ingredients feel even stronger.”
Avoid Harsh Actives: Ingredients like retinoids, strong chemical exfoliants (AHAs, BHAs), high-dose vitamin C, and intense brightening agents can irritate young skin and may even cause long-term sensitivity. For example, Tufman says that while retinoids are great for treating acne and fine lines in adults (they speed up cell turnover and thin the outermost layer of skin to help smooth it out), “younger skin is already thinner and more delicate, therefore further adding to that process can cause dryness, flaking, and barrier damage.” She urges that exfoliating acids can throw off young skin’s pH balance, which protects against bacteria. Using one will leave young skin prone to dryness, breakouts, and sensitivity long-term.
Tween skincare should be about establishing good habits. Think: washing off sunscreen and dirt, moisturizing dry spots, and having fun with color, rather than “fixing.”
“The best beauty ritual at this age is one that’s light, simple, and leaves them feeling good without making them think they’re a project to be worked on,” Tufman says.
How Can Parents Navigate Their Tween’s Sephora Era?
I’ll be honest, I’m figuring this out as I type. There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for raising kids in the “Sephora era.” What I do know is that I want my daughter to feel confident in her skin — with or without contour. I also want her to understand the difference between wanting a product and needing one, and to see beauty as one small part of her identity, not the whole story.
Here’s my framework, shaped by conversations with experts sourced in this article (plus, other parents who are navigating the same terrain):
Is it safe for their skin? When kids first start showing interest in beauty or skincare products, it can feel tricky for parents to know what’s healthy exploration versus what might be too much, too soon. The best place to begin is with the products themselves. Ask yourself: Is this safe for young skin? The goal is to separate harmless fun from formulas that could actually cause irritation or long-term issues.
Why do they want to use it? The conversation isn’t just about products; it’s also about values. Try to understand why your child wants to experiment in the first place. Is it about play, color, and scent? Or is it about trying to “fix” something they feel is wrong with their appearance? That answer can help guide your boundaries. Celebrate creativity, self-expression, and fun while also addressing insecurities early, before they deepen.
What else makes them feel good about themselves? Beauty should never be the only source of confidence. Parents can help their kids build resilience by modeling balance. Show them that while beauty can be enjoyable, it isn’t required. Offer compliments that celebrate kindness, curiosity, and humor just as much (if not more) than appearance. Encourage self-care rituals that aren’t tied to looks, like journaling, stretching, or relaxation routines
Do they understand they’re being marketed to? Talk openly about how trends are made, and why influencers push certain products. Teaching media literacy helps kids see through marketing.
At the end of the day, I can’t keep my daughter from discovering Charlotte Tilbury. But I can teach her to see beauty as a form of expression (not a measure of worth), while also giving her an education on what’s in the products she’s drawn to. We talk about ingredients, what they do (and don’t do), and which ones might not be right for her skin yet. And influencers on social media? I’m making it a point to help her spot the marketing moves behind the magic — from the packaging to the slogans, from the “must-have” hype to the trusted sources, so she learns to tell the difference between genuine curiosity and manufactured desire.
I know this won’t be a one-and-done conversation. As she gets older, the products will change, the trends will shift, and the pressures will get more complex. The hope? By starting these talks now (before the algorithm has her totally dialed in), she’ll have the confidence, perspective, and know-how to navigate the beauty world on her own terms when the time comes.