Dear Abby: Bossy sister is aggravating my mental health problems
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). It manifests itself with sudden outbursts of anger when I'm stressed, which is often. I have three sisters, two of whom are bossy and try to take over and control every little thing. I have always had a difficult relationship with one of them. When she stresses me out, I tend to blow up at her easily.
The other day, we were in a stressful situation, and I blew up at her. I later apologized and explained about my anxiety. She replied that it wasn't my anxiety but that I want to be the boss and don't want to accept her help with anything. She then proceeded to order me to do certain things the way she wanted them done.
I want to cut ties with her because of how she affects my mental health and sanity. But, after all, she's my sister, and there are situations in which I will have to be around her. Please advise. — ANXIETY-RIDDEN IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR ANXIETY-RIDDEN: You aren't going to change your sister. Her compulsion to control is ingrained in her. Avoid her as much as possible. However, if there are situations in which you can't do that, be polite and keep some distance. Do not argue with her, and remember: Just because someone tells you to do something does not mean you have to do it.
Having been diagnosed with GAD, I hope you realize there are treatments for it: medication and talk therapy. If your condition affects your other relationships, consider talking about it with the medical professional who gave you that diagnosis.
DEAR ABBY: I am 29, and I lost my dad last year. I am writing to ask how I can help my 5-year-old understand death better. He misses his grandpa so much that he cries. Sometimes he tells me he remembers a lot about my dad, and other times he tells me he doesn't. I am very worried that he is suppressing his memories of my father, and I don't want him to.
My son has a lot of good memories from when he was younger. I tried to show him pictures of my dad and him together, but tonight he mixed up his memories of him with another grandpa. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't open up. How can I get him to open up to me and start remembering? — REMEMBERING IN INDIANA
DEAR REMEMBERING: Your son is 5. Of course he misses his grandfather. But expecting him to cling to every memory of the short time they spent together is unrealistic, regardless of how much you wish it. You could benefit from discussing this with a child psychologist.
You cannot force the boy to remember, and trying to do that or make him feel guilty could actually be harmful. Books have been written for children on the subject of death. Please consider getting one or more for your boy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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