Dear Abby: Sibling is making elderly mom's life a living hell

DEAR ABBY: I live five hours away from my hometown. My mom is 98 and in assisted living there. In recent years, my younger sister has become cruel to our mom and is trying to take advantage of her.

Instead of helping Mom, she does things to deliberately upset her and raise her blood pressure. Two examples: putting dog poop on my recently deceased brother's grave and stealing a gun from Mom's home. She also threatened to remove Mom's recliner from her while she was sitting in it. My sister has caused major issues at the assisted living facility, which greatly upsets my poor mother, since she loves the care she gets there.

My older brother and I have met with an attorney to get an order of no-trespass, no-contact at Mom's facility. It's still in the process. My sister puts on a totally different mask at her church and has everyone believing she's a victim. What do you suggest we do in the future with this out-of-control, full of hate sibling? — ASHAMED SIS IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR SIS: The term for what your sister has been doing is elder abuse. Stealing and threatening to do something that would cause great bodily harm qualifies. Continue working with the attorney on the no-contact order and let the process play out. Your mother's doctors should be told what has been going on. What the worshippers in her church think about her should be of no consequence.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 55 and have been married for 15 years. I have two kids, ages 22 and 25. Both are on their own, living their own lives. My wife is 45. She has a 25-year-old son who has a four-year degree in computer science and claims he can't find a job. He refuses to look for other employment to fill in until something opens up in computers. He stays up half the night getting high and playing games online, and sleeps until noon. He has a considerable amount in his savings and is able to play the stock market, so it's not like he's broke and can't start living on his own.

My wife won't let go because he's her only child. She and I have no alone time, no romantic nights and no dinners without him included. He's always here and involved in everything, and I'm tired of it. I have reached a point in my life where I want to enjoy my time with my wife alone.

We are shopping for a new house, but I'm ready to say we buy a house together alone, just the two of us, or I'm filing for divorce and buying a house by myself. I feel it's way past time for him to be weaned from his mother and get his own life. Do you agree or am I being overly sensitive? — OVER IT IN ARIZONA

DEAR OVER IT: You are not being overly sensitive. Your wife appears to have a serious case of separation anxiety when it comes to her son, which is healthy for neither. I assume you have discussed this with her to no avail. If that's not true, you should. If it IS true, then it's time for marriage and family therapy with someone who is licensed. If your wife refuses to go, the alternative would be to schedule an appointment with an attorney who can help you "untie the knot."

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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