The Divorced Mom Dating a 6-Foot-5 Security Guard

In this week’s story, a woman enjoys her new relationship after a traumatic divorce: 45, in a relationship, Connecticut

DAY ONE

4:40 a.m. I’m woken up by the sound of my phone. It’s my boyfriend with a “good morning” text. (On most days, he wakes up at 2:30 a.m. for his job in security, so this is actually a late text from him.)

6:30 a.m. Now, he calls to say good morning. I love him so, so much, but I have too much to do right now to give him any attention! We’ve been together for a while, but our work hours do not align — he works 4 a.m. to 2 p.m. — and I’m a single mom and full-time psychologist who needs sleep. So we don’t see each other much during the week.

7 a.m. I get up, wash up, and check on the kids (6 and 10) playing in the family room. They have been up for a while and miraculously eaten breakfast already thanks to my very responsible 10-year-old. I feed the dog, make coffee, pack the backpacks with lunches and water bottles, herd the kids to get dressed, shower, and get us all out the door. I drop one kid at his camp and drop the other kid at her camp.

11 a.m. Boyfriend calls. He asks about maybe doing dinner tonight — his work schedule is all over the place this week — but I already know I can’t because my sitter isn’t available on Mondays. It’s frustrating, because I miss him and would love to see him. We met on Tinder a year ago, while I was in my “post-divorce, meeting-hot-guys, and having-amazing-wild-sex era.” We met for dinner, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. He is six-five and the most handsome man I have ever dated. After dinner, we sat in my car and made out, and he was the absolute best kisser ever. He has these huge, juicy lips and giant hands, and they were on my face and the back of my neck, and he kissed my neck and my collarbone and I died. It was so hot and sweet; I couldn’t take it.

So we went to a hotel because my kids were at my place and he was in between apartments, crashing with his parents. I only had two hours left with my sitter. We had sex, and everything was just unreal. He did all the things to me and made me come so many times all while we still were laughing, and it was just so amazing. He has the longest fingers and he gave me crazy orgasms. I had never been fingered so high up before. When he does it now, it feels like he is holding me from the inside. We’re still in the same love bubble one year later.

3 p.m. I own a large practice with various locations around Connecticut, and this afternoon I drive from one of my new locations to decorate. We’ll start seeing clients there this week, so I add fresh flowers, some candles, magazines, pretty art, that kind of thing.

5 p.m. A new therapist is joining the new location at the beginning of September, so I have a Zoom with her to talk about our goals and get to know each other.

6 p.m. My dad drops off the kids, post-camp and post-dinner together. My parents have helped me beyond measure after my divorce. My divorce was absolutely brutal. My ex had a psychotic break a few years ago. He moved out, got help, but ultimately we were never able to repair the relationship. He wasn’t able to parent. He would vacillate between rage and depression and would put a blanket over his head on the couch for days, and the kids would try to engage him and he just wouldn’t or couldn’t. Eventually, I filed for divorce, and he put me through hell while I tried to move it forward. And here we are.

8 p.m. Dog runs into the sliding glass door and seems okay, but now I have a pit in my stomach worrying about him.

DAY TWO

9 a.m. After the usual morning routine, I rush to one of my offices to Zoom with a co-parenting specialist and my ex. I’m anxious waiting for everyone to join the Zoom. We’re supposed to talk about tomorrow — it’s the first day he gets the kids alone in months.

10 a.m. The meeting devolves, as it always does with him.

11 a.m. Go to the new location to check on a couple more things.

1 p.m. Phone call with one of my part-time therapists who is quitting because she wants to take on more at her other job. I ask her what I can do to get her to stay. We end the call with my promise to her that I’m going to try to meet all her needs if she’ll give me a few days to move some things around.

3 p.m. I have my own therapy. One thing that keeps coming up is how my boyfriend is sad that I’m done having kids. He always wanted children of his own, but I’m too old now, and even if I could, I feel like I’m done.

5 p.m. Text my boyfriend a random “I want you.” When I am overstimulated by motherhood and stressed by work and simply cooked, I want to fuck and be fucked. I never could have dreamed of feeling that way when I was married. I rediscovered sex after the divorce. I rediscovered myself, and music, and friendships, and all the things that made me feel alive again. But rediscovering sex, and how important sex is to me, was the most amazing part of all. And now it’s like a huge part of my identity. I feel like a queen all the time. Like I can summon the gods of orgasms and channel divine female energy. Kidding, but also serious.

7 p.m. Get in the car to get my kids from my parents. Listen to Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie soundtrack. Fighting a migraine.

10 p.m. After getting the kids to bed, I do some work lying in bed while waiting for my migraine medicine to kick in. Then I finally get on the phone with my boyfriend. We discuss how hard his hours are and how we can fix the situation if he gets this other job, and we talk about how sad it would be if we broke up and how healthy and grown-up we are for having mature, open conversations. We used to sext all the time, but he’s become slightly less sex-obsessed recently due to work stress, so, instead, we hang up and I masturbate. I rarely watch porn anymore; I just think about particularly good sex with him (or think about nothing because my Hitachi is so powerful that I don’t need any thoughts to come).

11:30 p.m. I get out of bed and eat Friendly’s mint-chocolate-chip ice cream.

DAY THREE

8 a.m. Instead of camp, I take the kids to meet up with my ex at the gas station — as a neutral transfer place, per our mediator. He looks angry and disheveled and grouchy, and my stomach feels sick sending them off with him. This is their first visit alone in a few months. I feel nervous. But this is the deal we agreed on.

11:30 a.m. Work from home today. I have to interview a potential new therapist, and I also have some sessions with clients myself. I’m glad I’m busy all day … I don’t want to think about my kids with my ex.

4 p.m. Back at the gas station to get the kids. They look perfectly fine. It’s the first time I can breathe all day.

8 p.m. Kids fed and off to bed. I clean the kitchen.

10 p.m. Talk to my boyfriend on the phone. I tell him how I am always horny for him. He loves hearing this. I tell him how his penis is out of this world. It truly is. It’s huge but the perfect huge. It is thick. It is fucking delicious. I have never cared about a penis like I do his.

DAY FOUR

9 a.m. After camp drop-off, I take the dog to the vet. Still worried he did some damage running into that glass door. Vet says I worry for nothing.

11:30 a.m. Full day of work, bouncing between offices.

4 p.m. After an hour of WFH, I make a birthday dinner and cake for my mom’s 70th. I have recently gotten into cooking. My ex-husband did all of the cooking, so I had to learn to cook at the ripe age of 42. It’s so satisfying, honestly, chopping and cooking and feeding people. I’m now really into watching cooking videos online and reading cookbooks for fun.

6 p.m. Parents come for dinner with my kids in tow. My mom gushes over the meal and is so very excited about my newfound interest. She’s so proud and tells me I should make cooking videos, even though not one recipe is my own. So sweet how she believes in me.

9 p.m. Nightly call with my boyfriend, who says he’s coming over in the morning because he doesn’t work on Fridays. I’m so excited.

11 p.m. I’m getting as much work done tonight as possible so I can be with him, uninterrupted, all day tomorrow.

DAY FIVE

8:30 a.m. As I pull into my driveway after camp drop-off, I see my boyfriend’s car there. I’m dying to see him.

9 a.m. We waste no time getting naked. I lock my bedroom door even though the kids are at camp. We have incredible sex — he makes me come about 100 times. Fine, maybe three. I really needed that.

10 a.m. He runs out to get us breakfast since this is a full-on lazy day of sex and togetherness and no stress for me.

Noon We have sex again and then watch an episode of Ted Lasso and cuddle on the couch.

2 p.m. He leaves to go take care of his Real ID, in preparation for our surprise trip to Disney with the kids and my parents. I hate Disney and have been freaking out every day thinking about the planning and money that is involved. But anything for the kids. And I am definitely excited to vacation with my boyfriend. Happy to go anywhere with him, really.

3 p.m. Squeeze a day of work into two hours.

5 p.m. Pick kids up from camp. My boyfriend is coming back for dinner with us. He is so great with the kids. They adore him. I waited a few months before introducing them to him, and now it’s just so natural to have everyone together. He’s so playful, cuddly, and kind.

9 p.m. Kids are asleep, so I’m now jerking him off in my basement. The hand job turns into a blowjob. I have never liked giving head before, and now I fucking love it.

11 p.m. We take a long shower together, then get into bed. One of the things I love the most about him is how comfortable we are with each other. He likes me in comfy PJs, he loves my ridiculous granny panties — he says they make my ass look good. He’s so easy.

DAY SIX

10:30 a.m. Get the kids ready for a kid’s birthday party we’re all invited to. My boyfriend has to go home and get ready for his shift at work.

11:30 a.m. Is it bad that I’m sitting here at this birthday party thinking about all the amazing sex I just had?

2 p.m. Heading back home with the kids. Neither ate at the party, so both are hungry and cranky. I regret not being a parent who lays down the law and is strict with her kids about eating when it’s meal time, rather than always asking what the kids want and pandering to their needs. It all comes from love and single-mom guilt, but on days like today, it bites me in the ass.

4 p.m. Family trip to Warby Parker for reading glasses because now I’m old. Ultimately decide not to get them because I didn’t know I had to order them — I wanted to walk out with a pair.

6 p.m. I’m trying to figure out a way to see my best friend at her son’s soccer game tonight. I haven’t seen them in months, but my kids are being pains. I can’t make it work. I feel guilty and stressed out. Now I’m sort of pouting about feeling like I never get to choose myself. Deep down, I know I wouldn’t trade my life for anything in the world, but we all need a pity party sometimes.

8 p.m. Get the kids to bed and then talk on the phone with my boyfriend. We talk for, like, three hours since he’s alone at work and it’s okay to be on the phone. It’s so sweet.

DAY SEVEN

9:30 a.m. My sister and her kids come to visit for the day. I’m telling her all about my boyfriend. She still can’t believe I’m in a monogamous relationship. I went from sleeping with four guys in a week (safe sex, and only for a very brief period, to be clear) to only having eyes for him. I tell her that I can’t even think about being with anyone else right now. My boyfriend does not like hearing about my sexual revolution (and spree) before we met. I wish he could be more evolved and see it for what it was: a part of my growth, post-traumatic divorce, as a plus-size woman, getting to reclaim herself as a beautiful and desirable and whole human. All the sex, for me, was a restorative experience. And I’ll never be ashamed of it.

Noon I notice how it’s so nice to finally feel stable and happy at a family function. My ex used to make everything so impossible and so stressful.

3:30 p.m. I’m running around making sure my parents, my sister, her kids, and my kids are happy and well fed. I am always trying to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable. That’s just who I am.

5 p.m. Just as the family is leaving, my boyfriend texts with some great news — his hours are going to change soon. He’s been training for another position, with normal hours, and it looks like he’s getting it. I’m so, so happy to hear this, but I have to hang up and say good-bye to everyone and not be rude.

9 p.m. I’m exhausted. It’s a lot to juggle.

10 p.m. On the phone with my boyfriend. He says, “Let me just put a baby in you.” Something about the way he says it immediately turns me on in a very primal way. Nevertheless, I say no. And then we talk about seeing each other tomorrow and how much sex we’re going to have.

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